"...I took inspiration from Gloria Gaynor. Like her, at first I was afraid, I was petrified..."
Monty Panesar is giving his giving his post-match interview, moments after laying waste to India's batting line up for the second time in a day.
"...when I took the call from James Whittaker I thought it was Swanny playing one of his pranks; but then he said the password, I knew it was him. He explained that even though I could only get into Essex seconds, I was still the best spinner in the country..."
There is a stunned glaze in Panesar's eyes. It has been a busy 24 hours.
"...I certainly wasn't expecting to get much turn, what with it being day two, but I just decided to pitch the ball up and give it a bit of a spin..."
He glances up at the scoreboard - India bowled out for 122 late on the second day, following on after their hapless first attempt at responding to England's 457 (Cook 188).
"...Cookie promised me that if I took three wickets, he would take me on a special trip to El Splendidos in Chelmsford on ladies nite...after I'd got Kohli on review, he said he'd buy me a season ticket...he's got a great sense of humour, Cookie. Ah well, maybe it was just funny at the time..."
And there it is on the dot matrix - Panesar 8-2-13-7. He smiles.
"...I'm delighted with how I bowled. And I haven't finished yet..."
His face turns. He looks into the camera lens angrily, and jabs his finger.
"...Michael Clarke, I'm after you..."
Tuesday 8 July 2014
NWS - An(other) Apology
My name is NWS and I am a cheat.
I have shamed my country, I have shamed my sport. I have shamed those close to me. For that I am now proud.
I should have posted my vision for the second test against Sri Lanka, especially given that I was aware it would have a tight ending, and I failed to do so.
Any good apology gives an explanation for the shortcoming, even if it is not satisfactory, and in this case the reason for my lapse was just that I was too busy with things at home, and I basically just forgot.
I will try to not let it happen again, but I have said that before.
I have shamed my country, I have shamed my sport. I have shamed those close to me. For that I am now proud.
I should have posted my vision for the second test against Sri Lanka, especially given that I was aware it would have a tight ending, and I failed to do so.
Any good apology gives an explanation for the shortcoming, even if it is not satisfactory, and in this case the reason for my lapse was just that I was too busy with things at home, and I basically just forgot.
I will try to not let it happen again, but I have said that before.
Tuesday 10 June 2014
Lords gets boreds
"The trouble with Kevin was that we all found him incredibly annoying," explains Alistair Cook, with the fuzzy head of Nasser Hussain's Sky microphone thrust in his face, "we're looking to bounce back from the disappointments of the winter, and that's why we've introduced three debutants. It's what management consultants call a "fresh start"".
But unfortunately, there is nothing fresh about Cook's sodden footwork, as he edges Chanaka Welegedara to Mahela Jayawardene at first slip in the very first over. Unfortunately, Hussain forgot to ask Cook about the batting order, so there is some degree of uncertainty as to who is to replace him, but Moeen Ali eventually makes his way through the Long Room to meet fellow freshman Sam Robson. Welegedara pitches the ball up; it swings away a little, and the heart of every Englishman in the crowd is in his mouth. But Ali reaches forward, and clatters the ball past Tillekaratne Dilshan at cover point. The ball whistles down the slope into the boundary boards, and makes a resonant boom as it hits a boundary hoarding.
And so it is that the spirits of the Sri Lankans slip through the morning and then the day, as Moeen and Robson steadily accumulate. Farveez Maharoof in particular looks like he would rather be playing one day "cricket", perhaps because he would. Moeen departs for a well-crafted 86, but as Cook sits on the balcony, manfully watching replays of his dismissal on the video analyst's iPod, Robson and Ballance increase the scoring rate. Rain curtails the day's play, but England are still very well placed on 315 for 2 (Robson 132*, Ballance 99*).
Ballance is run out in a mix-up the following morning, but England's pursuit of a painfully high score is unrelenting. In an innings later dedicated to Jonathan Trott, Robson bats for hour after hour, as he drives onwards towards his double century. He is eventually dismissed for 192, but as Chris Jordan cheerfully smites Maharoof into the Mound Stand, everyone in the ground knows that England are going to take 600 off Sri Lanka.
England finally declare on 602*; Sri Lanka are bowled out for 213 (Jordan 5-45), follow on, and are bowled out again, also for 213 (Moeen 3-13).
But unfortunately, there is nothing fresh about Cook's sodden footwork, as he edges Chanaka Welegedara to Mahela Jayawardene at first slip in the very first over. Unfortunately, Hussain forgot to ask Cook about the batting order, so there is some degree of uncertainty as to who is to replace him, but Moeen Ali eventually makes his way through the Long Room to meet fellow freshman Sam Robson. Welegedara pitches the ball up; it swings away a little, and the heart of every Englishman in the crowd is in his mouth. But Ali reaches forward, and clatters the ball past Tillekaratne Dilshan at cover point. The ball whistles down the slope into the boundary boards, and makes a resonant boom as it hits a boundary hoarding.
And so it is that the spirits of the Sri Lankans slip through the morning and then the day, as Moeen and Robson steadily accumulate. Farveez Maharoof in particular looks like he would rather be playing one day "cricket", perhaps because he would. Moeen departs for a well-crafted 86, but as Cook sits on the balcony, manfully watching replays of his dismissal on the video analyst's iPod, Robson and Ballance increase the scoring rate. Rain curtails the day's play, but England are still very well placed on 315 for 2 (Robson 132*, Ballance 99*).
Ballance is run out in a mix-up the following morning, but England's pursuit of a painfully high score is unrelenting. In an innings later dedicated to Jonathan Trott, Robson bats for hour after hour, as he drives onwards towards his double century. He is eventually dismissed for 192, but as Chris Jordan cheerfully smites Maharoof into the Mound Stand, everyone in the ground knows that England are going to take 600 off Sri Lanka.
England finally declare on 602*; Sri Lanka are bowled out for 213 (Jordan 5-45), follow on, and are bowled out again, also for 213 (Moeen 3-13).
Wednesday 1 January 2014
A significant improvement
In his New Year's message, English Head Coach Andy Flower announces that the England team for the final test match will be Cook (*), Root, Bell, Pietersen, Ballance, Stokes, Bairstow (+), Borthwick, Broad, Anderson and Finn.
Relying on advice from the Most Reverend Justin Welby, Alastair Cook wins the toss, and England decide to bat. Happily, they bat well, and amass 606-6 before declaring. At the close of play on the second day, the England dressing room is pressed for an interviewee at the press conference: but Andy Flower declines, politely commenting that a risk of press conferences is that you may believe your own publicity. He adds that he was more right than he could ever have imagined, all those years ago, when he told Jamie Foster than he had to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.
As England take the field on the third day, there is great delight in the press box that the England players have refrained from using hair gel, and they have made a collective commitment to shaving each morning. It certainly seems to have had an effect on morale on the field, as the England fielders take some excellent catches as Australia slip to 50-5. There is a brief delay to England's progress as Mitchell Johnson and Brad Haddin play some counter-attacking blows, but a leg break and a googly from Scott Borthwick see off the Australian batsmen. Later, Johnson admits that he too should have had a shave. Australia are dismissed for 133, and England captain Cook orders the follow on - wearing a nice blue blazer.
There is no escape from this for the Australians, and they eventually subside for 198 (Borthwick 5-87, Root 3-38). Asked about the upturn in England's fortunes, in a single interview on the outfield with Jonathan Agnew, Flower explains that the England team have adopted a new attitude. Each player has agreed to accept personal responsibility for his own performance and behaviour. In general, the expectation is that when one is in Rome, one will do as the Romans - unless one is in Australia, in which case one will do as the English.
Relying on advice from the Most Reverend Justin Welby, Alastair Cook wins the toss, and England decide to bat. Happily, they bat well, and amass 606-6 before declaring. At the close of play on the second day, the England dressing room is pressed for an interviewee at the press conference: but Andy Flower declines, politely commenting that a risk of press conferences is that you may believe your own publicity. He adds that he was more right than he could ever have imagined, all those years ago, when he told Jamie Foster than he had to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.
As England take the field on the third day, there is great delight in the press box that the England players have refrained from using hair gel, and they have made a collective commitment to shaving each morning. It certainly seems to have had an effect on morale on the field, as the England fielders take some excellent catches as Australia slip to 50-5. There is a brief delay to England's progress as Mitchell Johnson and Brad Haddin play some counter-attacking blows, but a leg break and a googly from Scott Borthwick see off the Australian batsmen. Later, Johnson admits that he too should have had a shave. Australia are dismissed for 133, and England captain Cook orders the follow on - wearing a nice blue blazer.
There is no escape from this for the Australians, and they eventually subside for 198 (Borthwick 5-87, Root 3-38). Asked about the upturn in England's fortunes, in a single interview on the outfield with Jonathan Agnew, Flower explains that the England team have adopted a new attitude. Each player has agreed to accept personal responsibility for his own performance and behaviour. In general, the expectation is that when one is in Rome, one will do as the Romans - unless one is in Australia, in which case one will do as the English.
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