tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54504978595747133982024-03-08T14:04:25.356-08:00Next Week's ScoreboardI was born with a gift, although sometimes it can feel like a curse. I see future cricket matches in my dreams. My father had the gift before me, and my father's father had it before him. I have never actually predicted the outcome of a cricket match correctly, but I may well be right one day. So, read on to beat the bookies.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-30560873269701977502014-07-08T12:58:00.004-07:002014-07-08T12:58:54.641-07:00The vengeance<i>"...I took inspiration from Gloria Gaynor. Like her, at first I was afraid, I was petrified..."</i><br />
<br />
Monty Panesar is giving his giving his post-match interview, moments after laying waste to India's batting line up for the second time in a day.<br />
<br />
<i>"...when I took the call from James Whittaker I thought it was Swanny playing one of his pranks; but then he said the password, I knew it was him. He explained that even though I could only get into Essex seconds, I was still the best spinner in the country..."</i><br />
<br />
There is a stunned glaze in Panesar's eyes. It has been a busy 24 hours.<br />
<br />
<i>"...I certainly wasn't expecting to get much turn, what with it being day two, but I just decided to pitch the ball up and give it a bit of a spin..."</i><br />
<br />
He glances up at the scoreboard - India bowled out for 122 late on the second day, following on after their hapless first attempt at responding to England's 457 (Cook 188).<br />
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<i>"...Cookie promised me that if I took three wickets, he would take me on a special trip to El Splendidos in Chelmsford on ladies nite...after I'd got Kohli on review, he said he'd buy me a season ticket...he's got a great sense of humour, Cookie. Ah well, maybe it was just funny at the time..."</i><br />
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And there it is on the dot matrix - Panesar 8-2-13-7. He smiles.<br />
<br />
<i>"...I'm delighted with how I bowled. And I haven't finished yet..."</i><br />
<br />
His face turns. He looks into the camera lens angrily, and jabs his finger.<br />
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<i>"...Michael Clarke, I'm after you..." </i>Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-9416310463107814822014-07-08T12:34:00.001-07:002014-07-08T12:34:55.913-07:00NWS - An(other) ApologyMy name is NWS and I am a cheat.<br />
<br />
I have shamed my country, I have shamed my sport. I have shamed those close to me. For that I am now proud.<br />
<br />
I should have posted my vision for the second test against Sri Lanka, especially given that I was aware it would have a tight ending, and I failed to do so.<br />
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Any good apology gives an explanation for the shortcoming, even if it is not satisfactory, and in this case the reason for my lapse was just that I was too busy with things at home, and I basically just forgot.<br />
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I will try to not let it happen again, but I have said that before.<br />
<br />Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-29031720219548788572014-06-10T14:08:00.002-07:002014-06-10T14:08:23.643-07:00Lords gets boreds"The trouble with Kevin was that we all found him incredibly annoying," explains Alistair Cook, with the fuzzy head of Nasser Hussain's Sky microphone thrust in his face, "we're looking to bounce back from the disappointments of the winter, and that's why we've introduced three debutants. It's what management consultants call a "fresh start"".<br />
<br />
But unfortunately, there is nothing fresh about Cook's sodden footwork, as he edges Chanaka Welegedara to Mahela Jayawardene at first slip in the very first over. Unfortunately, Hussain forgot to ask Cook about the batting order, so there is some degree of uncertainty as to who is to replace him, but Moeen Ali eventually makes his way through the Long Room to meet fellow freshman Sam Robson. Welegedara pitches the ball up; it swings away a little, and the heart of every Englishman in the crowd is in his mouth. But Ali reaches forward, and clatters the ball past Tillekaratne Dilshan at cover point. The ball whistles down the slope into the boundary boards, and makes a resonant boom as it hits a boundary hoarding.<br />
<br />
And so it is that the spirits of the Sri Lankans slip through the morning and then the day, as Moeen and Robson steadily accumulate. Farveez Maharoof in particular looks like he would rather be playing one day "cricket", perhaps because he would. Moeen departs for a well-crafted 86, but as Cook sits on the balcony, manfully watching replays of his dismissal on the video analyst's iPod, Robson and Ballance increase the scoring rate. Rain curtails the day's play, but England are still very well placed on 315 for 2 (Robson 132*, Ballance 99*).<br />
<br />
Ballance is run out in a mix-up the following morning, but England's pursuit of a painfully high score is unrelenting. In an innings later dedicated to Jonathan Trott, Robson bats for hour after hour, as he drives onwards towards his double century. He is eventually dismissed for 192, but as Chris Jordan cheerfully smites Maharoof into the Mound Stand, everyone in the ground knows that England are going to take 600 off Sri Lanka.<br />
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England finally declare on 602*; Sri Lanka are bowled out for 213 (Jordan 5-45), follow on, and are bowled out again, also for 213 (Moeen 3-13).<br />
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<br />Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-54533071036987506192014-01-01T03:42:00.000-08:002014-01-01T03:42:14.801-08:00A significant improvementIn his New Year's message, English Head Coach Andy Flower announces that the England team for the final test match will be Cook (*), Root, Bell, Pietersen, Ballance, Stokes, Bairstow (+), Borthwick, Broad, Anderson and Finn. <br />
<br />
Relying on advice from the Most Reverend Justin Welby, Alastair Cook wins the toss, and England decide to bat. Happily, they bat well, and amass 606-6 before declaring. At the close of play on the second day, the England dressing room is pressed for an interviewee at the press conference: but Andy Flower declines, politely commenting that a risk of press conferences is that you may believe your own publicity. He adds that he was more right than he could ever have imagined, all those years ago, when he told Jamie Foster than he had to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.<br />
<br />
As England take the field on the third day, there is great delight in the press box that the England players have refrained from using hair gel, and they have made a collective commitment to shaving each morning. It certainly seems to have had an effect on morale on the field, as the England fielders take some excellent catches as Australia slip to 50-5. There is a brief delay to England's progress as Mitchell Johnson and Brad Haddin play some counter-attacking blows, but a leg break and a googly from Scott Borthwick see off the Australian batsmen. Later, Johnson admits that he too should have had a shave. Australia are dismissed for 133, and England captain Cook orders the follow on - wearing a nice blue blazer.<br />
<br />
There is no escape from this for the Australians, and they eventually subside for 198 (Borthwick 5-87, Root 3-38). Asked about the upturn in England's fortunes, in a single interview on the outfield with Jonathan Agnew, Flower explains that the England team have adopted a new attitude. Each player has agreed to accept personal responsibility for his own performance and behaviour. In general, the expectation is that when one is in Rome, one will do as the Romans - unless one is in Australia, in which case one will do as the English.<br />
<br />Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-69342046008235188492013-12-22T14:09:00.000-08:002013-12-22T14:09:07.179-08:00Renaissance"It was a little unhelpful of Graeme to retire mid-way through an Ashes series," explains Alastair Cook, shortly after winning the toss. But after pausing for thought he adds "but then again he's allowed some latitude because he took 255 test wickets for England, and made off-spin splendid again. I expect he'll change his mind by the fifth test anyway. Either way we wish him well in next year's <i>Strictly Come Dancing: </i>beyond that he will have a guaranteed success in his career as team captain on <i>A Question of Sport</i>, Sky TV's county cricket coverage or even <i>I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here</i> - at his election."<br />
<br />
Cook sensibly decides that England will bat first; but it is clear that he and Michael Carberry are under pressure from Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris. After one ball too many has passed by Cook's outside edge, Johnson finally snaps and calls Cook a pommie bast@rd who can't bat. After just a moment, Cook replies sadly that he couldn't disagree, based on the first three test matches of the tour.<br />
<br />
Cook struggles on, but is eventually snared by Johnson for a canine 48. But the Australian focus on the English captain seems to take some pressure off Carberry at the other end, who bats sensibly, as he finds his feet. When he cuts Harris past point just after the drinks break, it becomes clear that the Australians have been trying to shoot the wrong fox. Carberry is away; with his shaven hair he looks as cool as he is splendid. Joe Root falls just before lunch, and Kevin Pietersen falls after lunch but Carberry carries on with Ian Bell. The Boxing Day crowd quieten as the Australian bowlers wilt, and England progress. 302-3 at close of play, with Carberry on 164 not out.<br />
<br />
Carberry falls early on the second day, and Ben Stokes is out for 15 after batting pleasantly. But Matthew Prior bats selflessly for partner Bell, and although he only makes 12, he is able to add 87 with the increasingly dominant Warwickshireman. It is a struggle after that, but England eventually eek out a further 78 runs - and are eventually dismissed for 499 mid-way through the second afternoon.<br />
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Chris Rogers and David Warner bat well against James Anderson and Stuart Broad, and see off the new ball. But Tim Bresnan and Monty Panesar keep the scoring rate low, and eventually Panesar is able to have a frustrated Warner stumped, trying something remarkable to a ball with a bit of delicate flight. In the following owner, Shane Watson is out lbw to a pleasing in-swinger from Bresnan. Bresnan and Anderson then bowl in harmony, using reverse swing expertly. Eventually, Anderson is able to send Michael Clarke back to the Australian dressing room, with an lbw on review from the third umpire. Suddenly, batting seems more difficult, and England are able to make steady inroads. By close of play, Australia are on 188-7, crucially with Brad Haddin out - to a straight ball from Panesar.<br />
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It doesn't take long for England to wrap up the innings on the third day. It might be poetic justice that Johnson is out gloving a fierce bouncer from Broad; but against that, it might not be. In either case, England enforce the follow on.<br />
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On a degrading pitch, it is the combination of Panesar of Bresnan which does the job for England. It takes 89 overs, but only the most inhumane of Australians would fail to understand the smile on Anderson's face as an inswinger takes out Nathan Lyon's off-stump, to tie up the victory for England.<br />
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<br />Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-25058197088288809792013-12-12T13:32:00.003-08:002013-12-12T13:32:55.031-08:00Australia, and all of it, sufferDay one has gone England's way, with Chris Tremlett and Stuart Broad rolling out Australia for a lowly 162. In reply, Michael Carberry and Alastair Cook bat well, seeing off Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris. Worryingly for Australia, Harris and Shane Watson limp off at close of play, both with hamstring tears. <div>
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It is now time for Andy Flower to read Joe Root's bedtime story.</div>
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"Can you tell me the one about Stuart Broad's daddy winning the Ashes in 1986/7?"</div>
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"No, I have to tell you another story - this one is about a nasty Australian - are you ready for it?" replies Flower.</div>
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Root looks a little worried, and five minutes later, he is shaking a little.</div>
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"So Mitchell Johnson's great-great-grandfather was convicted of stealing the frankincense off Jesus? Thank goodness he was sent to Australia, so everyone in England could be safe. I must score a triple century against him tomorrow, I must, I must."</div>
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"Yes - and Michael Clarke's great-grandfather was King Herod. Mmmm. That's right, you didn't know that did you? Now, you'd better get some sleep. You've got a lot of batting to do tomorrow." </div>
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Day two is a good one for England, and for Root in particular. With his assiduous concentration, he bats well against a decaying Australian bowling attack. When Johnson finally limps off, Root seems to relax a bit and eases into his game. He is finally dismissed on 239, but with Ben Stokes weighing in with a brutal 112, England look very well placed on 512-5. </div>
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Rumour circulates Perth that England will declare overnight, but with temperatures hitting 55 degrees centigrade, Cook is having none of it. By lunchtime, with the score on 612, Clarke is seen pleading with Cook, but on England go. Finally, when Clarke himself is seen limping after bowling 15 overs on the trot, England declare on 713-8 (Root 239, Broad 168*, Stokes 112, Johnson 2-278). </div>
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Australia do not last long, and with twenty minutes to go before the end of Day 3, they are bowled out for 68 (Tremlett 8-22). Afterwards, Clarke resigns his captaincy of the Australian team, with a sad lick of tears a hapless press conference. </div>
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The Australian parliament threatens to abolish Joe Root and Chris Tremlett, but following intervention from Prince Charles, they relent. </div>
Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-66337283831862943592013-12-03T14:02:00.001-08:002013-12-03T14:02:13.565-08:00So who's batting at three?"Actually, we're not going to tell you yet," responds Alastair Cook to Bill Lawry's question on Channel 9 "although I can confirm that Monty Panesar and Ben Stokes come in for Chris Tremlett and Jonathan Trott."<br />
<br />
Before leaving the field to get ready for play, the two captains announce to the cameras a magnificent gesture; the umpires will maintain an onfield swearbox, with AUS$1 going to local charity <i>Save the Orphaned Kangaroos </i>for each on-air profanity or blasphemy<i>. </i>By the time the umpires pull stumps for the final time, AUS$76 has been raised. <i> </i><br />
<br />
England make a good start. Picking up where they should have left off at Brisbane, their clever bowlers take a series of wickets, first with Chris Rogers surprised by a lifting delivery from Graeme Swann - who opens the bowling - and then the recalled Ed Cowan pads up to an in-swinger from James Anderson. When Michael Clarke gloves a Stuart Broad bouncer, things are looking splendid for England, as an interested spectator looks on.<br />
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Prince William is standing amongst the Barmy Army, wearing a delightful T-shirt which reads: "England may have batted so badly as to have made him look like Wasim Akram in the first test, but Mitchell Johnson remains naturally erratic". The T-shirt really suits the heir to the throne, who enjoys his day under the shadow of the Adelaide cathedral.<br />
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The morning does not improve for the hapless Australian batsmen, as Shane Watson tweaks a hamstring, sprinting to beat a strong from the boundary from Stokes. At first, his running is hampered slightly, but then the hamper turns to a limp, and foolishly eschewing Cook's generous offer of a runner, Watson is finally reduced to a standstill. He and Steve Smith have to resort to boundaries and extras for five overs, before Watson finally plays across a straight one from Panesar, falling lbw. He is only able to return to the field on the second day with heavy strapping.<br />
<br />
There is a brief fightback from Brad Haddin, who is the last man out in the over before tea, with the score on 198. The England openers see out the final session on a drying Adelaide pitch, following erratic bowling from Johnson and Smith, and the score is 123-0.<br />
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The second day is a tough one for the Australians. Regrettably, the author cannot presently be bothered to write about it in any detail, but briefly, it turns out that Stuart Broad is England's number three, and although he fails, England close the day on 526-4 (Cook 188, Stokes 123*, Johnson 1-199). In addition, the Australians unfortunately lose their strike bowler Ryan Harris to a torn calf muscle. England declare overnight.<br />
<br />
Absent the injured Watson, makeshift opener Cowan pads up to an in-swinger from Anderson, falling lbw, and their are concerns amongst the Australian press that he has a problem with Anderson - there are calls for him to be replaced by Usman Khawaja. But back out in the middle, the surface is wearing, and it's not long before the England spinners are tormenting their Australian prey. After Clarke and Smith fall to Swann in quick succession, Watson bravely comes out to bat: but he edges Panesar's first ball, shouting "oh no" as the ball flies to Cook at slip. There is a brief fightback from Brad Haddin, but he is the last man out in the over before tea. Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-13327288166129569932013-11-16T12:29:00.001-08:002013-11-16T12:56:20.465-08:00The Gabba<i>"</i>C<i>an I bor</i>r<i>ow that radio please, Umpire Dar? Assuming you've finished with the third umpire?" </i><br />
<br />
It's been a long day for Alastair Cook. A long match, even. 101 in the first innings, 78 not out in the second, setting up the declaration. It looked like <i>E</i>ngland's match to win. Then, Finn's wickets had made the win look inevitable. 7 wickets down with fifty overs to go. <br />
<br />
But then, the long <i>d</i>elay in the afternoon, as Steve Smith had to be carried off the field; <i>i</i>magine not wearing a box in international cricke<i>t</i>? Word from the dressing room was that he had paid a heavy price for supporting the <i>Go Commando in November</i> appeal, to raise money for testicular cancer.<br />
<br />
Then the rain delays, then - this. Clouds rolling <i>i</i>n, blackening the sickly sweet green of the Gabba surface. Nine wicket<i>s</i> down, ten overs to go - but the sun has sunk behin<i>d</i> the enormo<i>u</i>s Gabba stands, and Umpir<i>e</i> Billy Bowden is holding his light meter <i>to</i> the sky. The Australians in the crowd are dancing - if that is the term - at their lucky escape.<br />
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Cook flicks a switch on the back of the umpire's radio, and speaks.<br />
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<i>"D</i>e<i>lta Foxtrot, this is Alpha Charlie. Do you read me?"</i><br />
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But there is silence from the radio; perhaps just a little crackling. Cook frow<i>n</i>s.<br />
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<i>"Delta Foxtrot, </i>I<i> repeat, this is Alpha Charlie. Do you read me?"</i><br />
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More crackling. Then:<br />
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<i>"Alpha Charlie, this is Delta Foxtrot. Reading you loud and clear...what are your instructions?"</i><br />
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Cook smiles.<br />
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<i>"Delta Foxtrot. Please deliver the package to Auntie May. I repeat. Please deliver the packa</i>g<i>e to Auntie May."</i><br />
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<i>"Roger that, Alpha Charlie; see you in a </i>m<i>inute."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
A few seconds p<i>a</i>ss. The ground is silent; then without warning, an air-raid siren sings its pitiful song in the Western section of the stand. Sensing something is amiss, row after row of Australian supporters evacuate the afflicted section. And they are right to fear, for over the horizon comes an unmissable sight, preceded by unmistakable noise.<br />
<br />
With its <i>fo</i>u<i>r</i> engines drumming every one of its seventy years of distinguished history, the silhouette of the monstrous vehicle grows in sight <i>a</i>s it roars over Brisbane, marching closer to the gro<i>un</i>d. Just a momen<i>t</i> before <i>i</i>t reaches th<i>e</i> ground, the giant Lancaster lets out two <i>m</i>etallic droppings from its undercarri<i>a</i>ge.<br />
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As the Lancaster dips its wings and flies off, narrowly avoiding a mid-air collision with the Flying Doctors, the bombs strike the evacuated section of the stand. Two enormous explosions rip through the stand, bringing the structure crashing to the ground..<br />
<br />
But after such destruction, a beautiful sight: for through the obliterated hole, where once stood the stand, the rose of the unobstructed sun can shines through on to the Gabba cricket pitch. The middle is bathed in sunlight once more.<br />
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<i>"The light seems to have improved, wouldn't you agree Mr Bowden?"</i> asks Cook.<br />
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<i>"Pla</i>y<i>"</i> replies the Kiwi.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-89356048645385801792013-08-19T14:25:00.002-07:002013-08-19T14:25:30.561-07:00The OvalIn a great sacrifice for the institution of the Ashes, Umpires Nigel Llong and Richard Illingworth declare that they are French, such that they are assumed to be neutral umpires who may officiate in the fifth test at The Oval.<br />
<br />
Illingworth is pressed into action quickly, as Chris Rogers pads up to a straight ball from the towering Chris Tremlett. Tremlett roars "How's that?"; Llong looks a little quizzical, but when a quick-witted Alastair Cook politely asks "Comment va ca?" in an accent reminiscent of the great Gordon Kaye, the problem is sold and Llong is able to send the Australian carrot-top upon his way. After some further discussion, the Umpires agree that English will be the official language of the fifth test match.<br />
<br />
The remainder of the day is all too predictable: Tremlett is outstandingly good, terrifying the Australian batsmen, whilst Chris Woakes bowls the ball on a length a foot outside the outside off-stump, until the shine has come off the new ball. Simon Kerrigan does not get a great deal of spin, but is able to deceive the second rate Australian batsmen with an interesting use of flight, for variation of flight is something they do not have in Australia any more. Australia are 232 all out, ten minutes before tea. During the remainder of the day, England accumulate 232 themselves, as Cook enjoys Nathan Lyon's bowling, and Jonathan Trott bats steadily.<br />
<br />
The second day of the match comes under some threat as Umpires Llong and Illingworth briefly threaten to strike, because the ECB will not let them wear berets, but when Alec Stewart orders the Surrey catering staff to feed them French food until they stop behaving like Frenchmen, they quickly back down. England are able to continue their innings, and Kevin Pietersen in particular is able to play an innings of great dashing against the low grade Australian bowlers. Eventually, England declare on 601 for 2, with half an hour to go before close. There is just time for Rogers, David Warner and Usman Khawaja to be dismissed by Kerrigan, to a series of shots which should not be shown before the watershed.<br />
<br />
The third day of the match is as a brief as it is predictable: Kerrigan and Tremlett run through the Australians, England win 4-0, everyone goes home happy and nobody notices that the Australia team have insulted the little urn itself.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-50045920708812582302013-08-07T14:46:00.003-07:002013-08-07T14:46:42.315-07:00I don't believe in ghostsA flash of lightning; a boom of thunder.<div>
<br /></div>
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Deep in the midst of Lumley Castle, Michael Clarke is awakened by a presence which has made itself known his room. Reluctant to come from within his bedsheets, he calls out. </div>
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"Who is that? That's not you again Smithy, is it? You stupid b&st&rd, this isn't funny any more."</div>
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"I am - or rather I was - a rather better batsman than your present number four. Or was it five? Or is he opening tomorrow? Anyway, I am not he. I am the ghost of Sir Don Bradman. And I tell you now: you must recall Ricky Ponting, Michael Hussey and Simon Katich, because at the moment your middle order is sh!t."</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
-----</div>
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But Clarke, assuming this is another prank by Graeme Swann, ignores the spectre and selects the same side for the fourth test. England recall Graeme Onions and, to the surprise of many, Monty Panesar. It is only later "leaked" that Panesar is recalled at the request of Sussex police, to keep him off the streets. </div>
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England win the toss this time, and Cook decides to bat - despite dark skies. England make an indifferent start and are 22-2 after six overs. But accomplished innings from Joe Root and Kevin Pietersen see England through to 338-2 by the close. </div>
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Clarke has another troubled night's sleep, and gets a thorough dressing down from the ghost of Sir Don, furious that his advice has been ignored. </div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">-----</span></div>
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England bat on, during what is a brutal second day for the Australians, before eventually declaring just after tea, which the score on 555-5 (Pietersen 255*, Root 128). Australia make a respectable start, but when Chris Rogers plays an Onions delivery outside off onto his stumps, it is the cue for a catastrophic loss of wickets on the part of the hapless Australians. The score is just 55-5 (Onions 3-15) at the close.</div>
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But what is more memorable for poor Clarke is the further interruption to his sleeping patterns. Oh, how he suffers that night. When Sir Don has finished a twenty minute lecture on how to play Panesar on a turning pitch, Clarke assumes he can go back to sleep. But no, for then comes in the ghosts of Douglas Jardine and Harold Larwood, mocking the hapless Australian's efforts at playing Onions and Panesar.</div>
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Clarke shakes his head ruefully, and curses the childish antics of Swann and Stuart Broad. But he consoles himself, however, assuming they will be exhausted the next morning.</div>
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-----</div>
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But as he "rocks up" (as he puts it) at the Riverside Arena, he is puzzled to note the England pacemen warming up vigorously, without lines under theirs eyes or even a hint of jadedness. Rather, it is his team that is jaded. It is no surprise when England dismiss the Australians for just 99, and still less of a surprise when Cook orders the Australians to follow on. </div>
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Australia bat reasonably in the second innings, and Clarke scores a resolute hundred. But nobody can stay with him. Australian after Australian gets in - but gets out. </div>
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Finally, with nine wickets down and with ten minutes to go before the close of play, he finds himself batting against Panesar. It has been an indifferent performance from the Sussex spinner, but he is still getting the occasional ball to turn and bounce.</div>
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However, the third ball of Panesar's over does not spin and bounce. Rather, it darts on, striking the outside half of Clarke's pad as he jerks forward in the "half-press", so popularised by England batsmen coached by Duncan Fletcher. As one, the England players appeal to "Umpire" Marais Erasmus. Erasmus scratches his head, flips a coin, sees the head of Her Majesty, nods, and sticks up his finger. Clarke gestures that the ball hit his inside edge, and refers the matter to DRS. </div>
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And so it is, that the Hotspot footage appears on television screens up and down the land. The footage concentrates on the inside of Clarke's bat - and no hot spot is apparent. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
But just in the background, Hotspot catches the faint, spectral, figure of a small man, wearing cricket whites and with a baggy cap over his sunbeaten head. The figure is barely visible, but it is clear that he is standing over Clarke's shoulder, shaking his head in lament at the poverty of technique shown by the Australian captain.</div>
Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-45322529062491645852013-07-30T14:12:00.005-07:002013-07-30T14:12:54.418-07:00Desperate times call for desperate measures"We've got to find a way of getting Ponting back."<br />
<br />
Things are not looking good in the Manchester Youth Hostel, on Wednesday night. The Australian team management are meeting in the television room. Michael Clarke and Darren Lehman are both clear on the need for changes to the Australian line-up, but they both know that they do not have the power of selection. Calls are put in to John Inverarity, but he is not budging.<br />
<br />
Clarke and Lehman get increasingly angry, but in the background, vice-captain Brad Haddin is distracted; he is watching <i>Escape to Victory</i>. <br />
<br />
"I've got an idea," he says, with his face lit up.<br />
<br />
The next morning, Chris Rogers, Ed Cowan, Phil Hughes and Ashton Agar have all suffered broken arms, without apparent explanation, and in their place, Michael Hussey, Ricky Ponting, Simon Katich and Fawad Ahmed are all recalled to the Australian side. Unfortunately, in the confusion someone forgot to check that flights were available, so the Australians are forced into the first day with just seven players.<br />
<br />
Graciously, Alastair Cook lets the Australians bat first after winning the toss, in the hope that the Australians can get a full crew together. Unfortunately, they have lost all of their six available wickets by 2:15, with the score on just 117 (Anderson 6-16, Clarke 42*). The seven men of Australia field bravely for the remainder of the day, but England are clearly well placed at 273-0.<br />
<br />
Fawad Ahmed makes it through customs at Manchester Airport to take the field on the second day. He is brought on to bowl the first over. His first over goes for 13, his second goes for 16, and that is his bowling done for the day. Just after lunch, England declare on 501-2 (Cook 251*, Taylor 154*), as Agar look on disconsolately from the Australian balcony, arm in sling.<br />
<br />
However, Australia bat commendably in their second innings, and by close of play, Australia are on 200-2 (Ponting 108*, Hussey 56*). The pitch has flattened out somewhat, and under the summer sun of August James Anderson and Stuart Broad are unable to get the ball to swing.<br />
<br />
But the dye is cast, and when Monty Panesar traps Ponting leg before wicket in the first over on Saturday morning, a cascade of wickets inevitably tumbles. Katich follows the ball after Ponting, and within 16 overs, Australia have been bowled out for 241 (Panesar 4-102, Swann 4-102).Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-67214158341303775972013-07-15T14:21:00.002-07:002013-07-15T14:21:28.951-07:00The endIn a show of strength, Andy Flower announces that England have an unchanged team, two days ahead of the start of the Second Test Match at Lords. Similarly, Australia pick the same eleven, despite some infantile stories in <i>The Sun</i> regarding Ashton Agar's time at Henley-on-Thames. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Australia win the toss, and looking down at a dry surface, they elect to bat first. James Anderson looks tired, and after four fruitless overs he is replaced by Steven Finn. Finn bowls well, and a tired looking Chris Rogers edges to Alastair Cook, who is looking tired at first slip. But Ed Cowan bats solidly, and with the brutal strokeplay of Shane Watson, sees Australia safely to lunch with the score on 90-1. Graeme Swann - looking somewhat weary - is able to dismiss Watson just after lunch, but in increasing temperatures, Watson and his captain Michael Clarke start to get the upper hand in front of an increasingly concerned English crowd. Finally, Cook throws the ball to Ian Bell, having mistaken him for Anderson, following a mix-up with the England captain's contact lenses. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What follows causes Clarke recurring nightmares, which strike him at irregular intervals for the following three years, before he finally discovers the link between eating asparagus and the nightmare. The first ball of Bell's over is pitched up, but just as Clarke readies himself to clobber it over extra cover, it grips the pitch, hesitating a little. Surely, the ball strikes Clarke's bat, but far from flying over extra cover, it flies up to the waiting hands of Joe Root at mid-off.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This proves the catalyst for a batting catastrophe. Furious after seeing an article in the <i>Sydney Morning Herald</i> suggesting he is tall but rubbish, Finn bowls faster and faster, peaking at 93.2 mph as Australian after Australian is dismissed in a ruthless spell of 6-6-7-7. Just before tea, Australia are bowled out for 156. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In an unremarkable innings, England take a day and a half over notching 421. Bell continues his fine form with a cultured 134. Clarke blows both of Australia's DRS reviews on speculative leg before wicket appeals off Peter Siddle's bowling; only later does he admit that he is doing it to keep Siddle's sense of injustice fully primed, so that he may bowl ever more angrily. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In her second innings, Australia bats well in the first instance; Watson is out on the first ball of the innings, but Rogers and Cowan bat well on a wearing pitch. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But when - in a bid to puzzle the Australians - Cook asks Root and Kevin Pietersen to bowl in tandem, England strike in subsequent overs. The Australians then fold, over the course of another six over spell from Finn; this is the end for them. There is no future now.</div>
Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-49940597045014367192013-07-08T14:56:00.001-07:002013-07-08T14:56:31.548-07:00Trent Bridge"I like the globe, that flashes red like our Krypton sun, but not that irritating noise." says Steve Smith in the Nottingham Youth Hostel, as his alarm clock rattles away.<br />
<br />
"Oh shut up," responds Michael Clarke, "I'm sick and tired of your General Zod impersonations. It wasn't funny the first time and it isn't funny now. Anyway, Zod eventually lost his battle with Superman, and we want Australia to be a team of winners."<br />
<br />
The Australian captain opens the curtains.<br />
<br />
"Oh sh!t, the sun's shining. Everyone out of bed - time for the team song".<br />
<br />
"Isn't <i>Teammates</i> wearing a bit thin now, after four years?"<br />
<br />
"Nonsense. Any more of that talk and you'll be sent back to Australia with Darren Lehmann. He didn't last long because he didn't sing the song properly. Come on everybody."<br />
<br />
<i>"Teammates. </i><br />
<i>Everybody needs good teammates. </i><br />
<i>With a little understanding</i><br />
<i>You can find the perfect friend.</i><br />
<i>Teammates</i><br />
<i>Need a little understanding..."</i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
*****</div>
It's a 11.05, and after interim coach Julia Gillard has moaned about the naming of the Larwood and Voce stand, England captain Alastair Cook has put a worried looking Carl Rogers and Shane Watson into bat. Rogers is facing up to James Anderson.<br />
<br />
Anderson commences his run, breaks into a trot before arriving at the crease, a perfect mixture of balance and aggression.<br />
<br />
He uncoils, releasing the ball to Rogers; the ball is on a length, a fraction outside off.<br />
<br />
Rogers shapes to play, but is uncertain. There is no foot movement, just a movement of the hands towards the ball.<br />
<br />
The ball catches the outside edge of Rogers' bat, and flies to Graeme Swann at second slip, at waist height.<br />
<br />
Rogers thinks about waiting for the umpire's decision, before realising it is blindingly obvious that he is out. Slightly embarrassed by his behaviour, he trudges off towards the pavilion.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
*****</div>
<br />
It's ten minutes before tea on the second day now, and with Kevin Pietersen on 253* and England on 552 for 3, in response to Australia's 128, it seems only a matter of time before England declare. Fawad Ahmed is bowling, trying to improve on his disappointing figures of 21-0-190-1.<br />
<br />
"One wicket brings two" says Brad Haddin.<br />
<br />
Ahmed bowls. It is a waist high full toss.<br />
<br />
"I don't mind if I do" says Kevin Pietersen, and swipes the ball in a magnificent parabola into the heights of the Larwood and Voce stand, for yet another six.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
*****</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Australia are in some disarray," remarks Jonathan Agnew, with Australia on 92 for 5 in their second innings "they'll need Steve Smith to make a fool of himself slogging the England pacemen for a quick 32 if they are going to make it into the third day"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"Kneel before Zod."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
*****</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As ECB Director of Operations Alan Fordham quickly issues a press release, apologising to Saturday ticketholders for being foolish enough to start the match on a Wednesday, when Australia would obviously lose within three days, Alastair Cook happily celebrates his team's innings and 280 run victory in front of a crowd boasting David Cameron, David Beckham and Andy Murray. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
James Pattinson approaches the England captain, reading about his brother Darren in the Playfair Cricket Annual. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"My brother was apparently English. Does that mean I can play for England in the next match?"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
"No."</div>
Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-41556013598688234312013-05-22T14:31:00.003-07:002013-05-22T14:31:56.554-07:00UntitledIt is 6 degrees celcius, at Headingley, but it is not raining and play starts on time. There is a rousing cheer from the crowd as home town favourite Tim Bresnan is preferred to Middlesex's Steven Finn.<br />
<br />
England win the toss and decide to bat, but as a bad start is made as England slip to 48-5. However, Matt Prior and his wicketkeeping sidekick Jonny Bairstow respond stirringly, hitting 100 from as many minutes. But when the carrot-topped White Roseman is out, trying to hit Daniel Vettori into the River Aire, England subside; they are 254 all out just before tea.<br />
<br />
But James Anderson is at his terrible best when the clouds roll in, and of course in Yorkshire, the clouds never roll away. New Zealand are dismissed for 46. Alistair Cook orders the follow-on, hoping for a first day victory, but Hamish Rutherford and Peter Fulton are able to keep out Anderson and Stuart Broad until close of play.<br />
<br />
The second and third days are, unfortunately, lost to rain.<br />
<br />
The fourth day is played out under leaden skies. Rutherford and Fulton play well, and are able to frustrate the England bowlers. Indeed, they are able to frustrate the Headingley crowd, and the stewards in the newly named James Herriot stand (formerly the West Stand, but renamed in order to promote more genteel behaviour) are forced to step in, when Cook is called a Southern ponce.<br />
<br />
However, Joe Root is eventually able to dismiss Fulton by pitching the ball into one of Neil Wagner's foot holes, the ball leaping into his gloves and into the waiting hands of Ian Bell at silly point. When Kane Williamson is bowled through the gate by the next ball, it appears England are on to something, and so it is that Root and Graeme Swann bowl most of the afternoon. Progress is still slow, however, and by the mid-afternoon, New Zealand have reached the England score. By close of play, no further wicket has been obtained, and New Zealand are at 203 runs ahead.<br />
<br />
The next (and final) morning sees a surprise: New Zealand declare overnight. Brendon McCullum explains that Leeds is perennially overcast, and the Meteorological Office has forecast rain at 11:45, so they'd might as well have a go. Unfortunately for him and his fellow New Zealanders, David Steele turns up at the ground at 10:55, and the sun comes out again - much as it did when he arrived at Lords. After a spirited innings from Nick Compton, England knock the runs off and win the match by nine wickets at 12.58. Following the conclusion of the match, Steele leaves the ground and it starts to rain. It stops on 26 June.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-68186306861366310262013-05-13T14:31:00.003-07:002013-05-13T14:34:54.066-07:00He is cricketSpeaking through an interpreter, Brendon McCullum explains that New Zealand will bowl first on a Lords pitch. He says that the weather has made him feel like he is at home. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately for McCullum and his ill fated team-mates, at 11:15, David Steele arrives at the ground, and the sun comes out as a result. Batting becomes an easy business for the England openers, and whilst Travis Boult and Neil Wagner show enthusiasm, they also show inadequacy. There are only two breakthroughs for New Zealand during the first morning, and on both occasions it is when Steele is on the gentleman's. Recognising the problem, Fanny in the long room refuses to serve him any more Earl Grey until Cook has reached 150. Which he does, shortly after tea. The score 376 for 4 at close of play. There is special delight for Jonny Bairstow, who scores his maiden test century.<br />
<br />
The second day is, however, a better one for New Zealand, under some threatening clouds. England collapse to 415 for 8, before Geoff Miller explains to the agog England dressing room that he will recall Ravi Bopara unless England score 450.<br />
<br />
Stuart Broad responds in shock and awe: "Please...no...not..." and he turns to Graeme Swann, "Graeme, we must bat resolutely in order to avoid this awful fate." Eventually, England declare on 555 for 8, Miller clapping warmly from the England balcony, as Swann and Broad walk back up the pavilion steps, bathing in the milk of applause from men wearing silly jackets and silly ties.<br />
<br />
But at they step into the Long Room, the hanging baskets that, um, hang from the pavilion sway a little, as a gust of wind passes. The skies darken; the gust becomes a wind; the wind becomes a tornado. It starts to rain. It carries on raining; for two days it rains.<br />
<br />
The true cause of the deluge is, ultimately, unexplained. Russell Grant explains that God is displeased by the playing of Test Match Cricket in England in the month of May, whereas Jonathan Cainer suggests it is more likely to be that He is making a point about allowing Australians to play their version of football on the square at The Oval. For her part Mystic Meg says that destiny is a young man from Essex holding up a little urn in late August.<br />
<br />
There is only one point all of the astrologists are clear on, after England have won by an innings and 32 runs late on the final day: God enjoys cricket.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-49667614953991065242013-03-20T16:31:00.002-07:002013-03-20T16:31:48.509-07:00And finally, Auckland, and then we can all go home and go to bed<div>
Briefly, as it's now 23:20 and I want to go to bed:</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>England are declare their first innings closed on 200-5 (Cook 125*), after just 40 overs; Captain Cook later explains this is a ploy to win a cricket match despite an flat pitch, a home team hell bent on drawing the series and weather which would not be out of place in North Wales. </li>
<li>New Zealand are dismissed for 162 (McCullum 88*, Panesar 8-22).</li>
<li>England declare their second innings closed for 250-5 (Bairstow 132) off 50 overs.</li>
<li>The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.</li>
<li>New Zealand are dismissed for 162 in their second innings. </li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
It is later discovered by <i>The Sun</i> that Kevin Pietersen has faked his knee injury, because he is anxious to get his tomatoes planted before March is out - little does he know it might as well be mid-December. Unfortunately, <i>The Sun</i> are only able to get their scoop by hacking into the England batsman's 'phone, and later have to print a front page apology. </div>
Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-71187548785905114712013-03-11T15:22:00.002-07:002013-03-11T15:22:27.597-07:00Wellington"Cheer up, at least you're not Australian," Mike Atherton consoles Brendon McCullum, who is crying after losing the toss at Wellington. But both men know the truth: that New Zealand might as well be as Australia, for that is how badly they will fare against the bowling of Steven Finn and James Anderson, upon a pitch which could easily have come from Postman Pat's home village, Greendale. That is particularly so, because as the great postman might well say, it is a windy day.<br />
<br />
The first morning sees a clatter of wickets, as Finn finally finds his pace. He later explains that he was inspired by an old copy of Richard Hadlee's classic <i>Rhythm and Swing,</i> which he found in Wellington Town Library. New Zealand are 48-7 at lunch, and even the emergence of the afternoon sun is not enough to rouse them - twenty minutes after the teams finish their lamb shanks for lunch, the Kiwis are dismissed for 68. Nick Compton and Alastair Cook bat steadily, and England close the first day on 168-0.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, Compton is unable to resume his innings, because the lamb curry which he ate for his dinner was undercooked, and has given him food poisoning. However, he sends his team a video message of support from his toilet, and Jonathan Trott is able to take the Somerset batsman's place at the crease. Cook and Trott bat steadily all day, and both hit assured double centuries hundreds before England declare at the close on 503-0. The day is a particular pleasant viewing for Mrs Martha Richards, of Bay of Plenty, who had arrived at the ground expecting a recitation from <i>Letters from America. </i>Explaining how she confused Alastair Cook with Alistair Cooke to Radio Kiwi, Mrs Richards explains that she was persuaded by the day's play that cricket could be more beautiful than literature.<br />
<br />
The third day is all but brief. The England pacemen again finds his form, rapidly inducing Hamish Rutherford to edge to slip, completing an ignominious pair for New Zealand's new batting hero. Within 45 minutes, Stuart Broad in particular has reduced New Zealand to 36-6. Brendon McCullum strikes some hefty blows against Anderson, but he is stumped, trying to hit Monty Panesar into the Hutt River.<br />
<br />
Shortly before lunch, England eventually win a frankly uninspiring game of cricket by an innings and 321 runs.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-11060238718594541782013-03-04T12:57:00.000-08:002013-03-04T12:57:05.537-08:00Somewhere in New Zealand, probably with mountains in the background"Well, I think our younger batsmen will receive a bit over the next couple of hours," grimaces Brendon McCullum, looking down at the green pitch as he is asked to respond to the glum news that England have lost the toss.<br />
<br />
He is right, of course: New Zealand are 90-7, as the players tuck in to a rack of lamb for lunch, and Steven Finn tucks into his former bleater with special gusto, having taken the first five wickets of what is a lucrative tour for him. His bowling speed may have reached 100 mph at one point, although it is impossible to know for sure, because for some reason the Kiwi television producers have set the speedgun to record in kilometres per hour. Back in England, Nigel Farage asks indignantly whether New Zealand is now French, or something.<br />
<br />
The afternoon session sees a spirited, but all too brief, fightback from McCullum and Doug Bracewell. However, when the Kiwis finally collapse to 146 all out, even Sky television's Ian Smith is glum. <br />
<br />
Things do not get much better when England bat. Bracewell is the only bowler able to extract any zip off a gentle cricket pitch. Whilst Nick Compton edges Bracewell to Ross Taylor at first slip for a steady 36, there is simply no question of Jonathan Trott or Alastair Cook being dismissed on the first day. England are on 146-1 at the close of play.<br />
<br />
In order to breathe some life into the second day, and perhaps to improve the paltry attendance by the paying spectators on the first day, New Zealand prime minister John Key announces that the New Zealand parliament will sit in the stands at the University Oval, for one day only. They debate the motion that "Test cricket should be split into two tiers, in order that it may remain meaningful for supporters of New Zealand and Bangladesh, and also in order that the Irish should be given a chance". They pass the motion 69-0.<br />
<br />
Whilst the enthusiasm of Mr Key and his friends is not enough by itself to arouse interest from the Dunedin crowd, as the day passes, the stands fill; to the point of capacity, and then to the point that the (refreshing and sensible) ground stewards let willing spectators sit just beyond the boundary ropes; for something magnificent happens.<br />
<br />
Bracewell has a clear limp, as he takes to the field, but takes the second new ball nevertheless. It is clear though that the cut to hit foot has worsened with the previous day's bowling, but he carries on into the Dunedin wind. He picks up the occasional wicket, and that is only notionally why he is out there. For as first his show, and then as every second footprint in his run up become blood-sodden, even the beige brigade start to understand that he is bowling because he has realised he can be magnificent. Fifteen overs and three wickets later, he changes his socks and (eschewing offers for a massage or something in the dressing room) goes to field at fine leg for the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
Still, for all Bracewell's heroics, New Zealand are not very good at cricket. Ian Bell quietly scores a century, explaining later that he was not affected by Kane Williamson's sledging at cover, because he could not understand what he was saying. So pronounced (if that is not an unfortunate word to use) was Williamson's accent, that the educated Warwickshire batsman believed the Kiwi was speaking Cornish. With ten minutes to go before close of play, England decide that enough is enough, and declare on 500-5.<br />
<br />
It is all over quite quickly the next morning, and but for a few lusty blows from Bracewell, New Zealand would not have made it to 100. It is difficult to be sure whether Steven Finn's match figures of 12-121 are a little generous to him, because the Black Caps batting is improved second time around, it is coming from an under-developed base.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-57881739917865773002012-12-10T15:15:00.002-08:002012-12-10T15:15:35.422-08:00NagpurSet in its Central India location, Nagpur is in a dry part of India, and the cricket pitch is in a dry part of Nagpur. MS Dhoni makes little effort to pretend that the pitch is intended for anything other than his three spinners. There is just one change in the England side, with Jonny Bairstow re-introduced to replace Samit Patel, who has an upset stomach. The Indian side, however, bears two changes, with Yuvraj Singh and Zaheer Khan making way for Puyish Chawla and Parvinder Awana respectively. Rather than bother with the formality of going out into the middle, Alistair Cook and MS Dhoni stay in the pavilion and just agree that if they had actually tossed a coin, India would have won the toss and decided to bat. <br />
<br />
They might equally have agreed that Gautam Ghambir would have been trapped lbw, prodding half-forward to James Anderson's third delivery, particularly if they had read Next Week's Scoreboard. But - as has been pointed out both in productions such as <i>Doctor Who</i> and <i>Back to the Future</i>, and also by a former colleague of NWS's author - the possibility of an individual able to control and yet also know his fate could cause a rupture in the space/time continuum. This itself could have disrupted the Final Test in manners unknown, and perhaps that is why Cook and Dhoni, with their love for test match cricket, decided to avoid this blog.<br />
<br />
Anyway, India bat pretty well after Ghambir's not unpredictable dismissal, on a dry looking pitch. Virender Sehwag is stumped for 94, trying to hit Monty Panesar into the River Nagpur, but Sachin Tendulkar survives a confident lbw decision to make an accomplished 76 not out, before stumps are drawn with the score on 245 for 2. But the pitch is already turning for Panesar and Swann: how long can the little resplendido keep the former Northants spinners at bay? <br />
<br />
In the most absorbing day's cricket since 12 September 2005, there is a titanic battle between modern greats Sachin Tendulkar and Monty Panesar. In a day when Panesar and Swann bowl unchanged for a session and a half, Tendulkar battles to 158, before becoming Panesar's final wicket, but at the other end, the Indians try to keep the Englsih spinners out - but to no avail. Eventually, the Indians are all out for 422. Panesar can only smile, as he walks off the pitch and sees a massive banner saying "Well done, Monty, you really bowled splendidly." That is true generosity of spirit from the Indian supporters. <br />
<br />
Perhaps exhausted from fielding around the bat, the England batsmen do not play well. Awana is nervous, but after Cook nicks a wide one to Pujara at slip, he regains his confidence and starts to bowl increasingly quickly. Jonathan Trott and Kevin Pietersen follow quickly afterwards, and Nick Compton can only look on sadly from the other end. Ian Bell is able to keep out Awana, and the erratic Chawla; and indeed after tea, the two England right-handers open up, striking Chawla for 44 runs in just two overs. Unfortunately, Bell is out stumped off Chawla, trying to do one better than Sehwag and hit the iffy leg-spinner into the River Nagpur. Sir Ian Botham explains that this is Bell's natural game, but there is little sympathy as nightwatchman Anderson's off-stump is uprooted by Awana in the final ball of the day's play.<br />
<br />
The third day starts well for England, with Bairstow batting assertively against R Ashwin. He knocks up a quick 45, before attampting to reverse sweep Pragyan Ojha. As the ball strikes his pad, each and every one of the Indian close fielders appeal for lbw, but Umpire Aleem Dar does an excellent job to detect an edge before the ball strikes the pad, and declines the appeal. Detecting a problem, Compton comes down the pitch and challenges Bairstow to cross the Rubicon - to go from being a promising one day wicketkeeper-batsman, to being a test match batsman. Bairstow is the last man out for 146, off 220 balls, as England are eventually dismissed for 455. There is just time for Sehwag to get out stumped, trying once more to hit Panesar into the River Nagpur, before close of play. <br />
<br />
The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain. <br />
<br />
It is clear that the match will result in a draw, barring a batting catastrophe by either side. Unfortunately, that is the fate which meets India. Or was it a great bowling performance from Steven Finn on a dead pitch which caused it? And is India's batting collapse too late for England to claim victory anyway? Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-87478000150196069362012-12-03T14:59:00.000-08:002012-12-03T14:59:51.250-08:00Why India is the best place in the worldAlistair (or is it Alastair? I always forget) Cook calls correctly, and asks MS Dhoni if he will bowl. Cook licks his lips as he says this. By the end of the day, he has has chipped, nurdled and generally defended his way to 158 not out. At the other end, Joe Root - batting at six in preference to Samit Patel - is looking accomplished on 85 not out. The pitch is slow, but is already taking spin, and England have the runs on the board - 358-4.<br />
<br />
The second day is a hot one. Root only adds three before he falls for 88 to Ishant Sharma, but Cook presses on, grinding his way onwards with Matt Prior playing well at the other end. By mid-afternoon, with the pitch deteriorating rapidly, James Anderson finally edges R Ashwin to slip, and England are bowled out for 555.<br />
<br />
As one might expect, England open up their bowling with their spinners. With a perceived hoodoo over the Indian batsmen, Monty Panesar and Graeme Swann leap in - but without any effect. Virender Sehwag and Gautam Ghambir show what incredible batsmen they are, as they craft the score up to 55 after 5 overs. Anderson and Steven Finn take the ball, but whilst Finn is able to strike Sehwag with a lifting bouncer, neither England bowler is able to make a breakthrough. With five minutes to go before tea, England need a change bowler in order that Finn may get another over. Thrown the ball, Root floats the ball between bat and pad, bowling Sehwag through the gate, as he dances down the pitch and tries to hit the Yorkshireman into the River Hooghly. 66-1 at tea. That is England's last success of the day, however: India close on 151-1 (Ghambir 89*, Pujara 21*).<br />
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The third day is a mixed one for England: they bowl poorly, and drop a great many catches, but MS Dhoni follows up on his episode with the dry pitches by declaring the Indian innings closed with just 2 wickets down, 100 runs behind, in the mid-afternoon. He explains later that he wanted to have the maximum time to force a result. Duncan Fletcher defends his man, explaining that Dhoni is occasionally stupid and is not to be blamed for that. Anyway, England score a further 176 runs during what remains of the day, for the loss of just (a very tired looking) Cook. Nick Compton, in particular, shows that the goatee beard he shares with Kevin Pietersen is a signature of a shared talent.<br />
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The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.<br />
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The fifth day sees England bat for an hour, with Ian Bell chipping a number of easy boundaries; eventually England declare, setting India 362 to win off 75 overs. Panesar and Swann bowl well, but once again Ghambir and Sehwag are too good for them. As Sehwag quickly passes his century, it looks as if the chase is on. But drawing inspiration, Cook once again runs to Root. He tosses up a looping off-break, and for the second time in the match, Sehwag tries to hit him into the River Hooghly; and for a second time it all goes wrong. The ball skies, and whilst closest fielder Panesar loses the ball in the sun and has to run for cover, Prior is safely on hand to pouch the catch. <br />
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In that moment, Panesar and Swann understand the great beauty that it is India. In India, they do not just have pitches that spin, they have pitches that spin in different ways, depending on how quickly you bowl. After watching YouTube footage of Philippe Edmonds during the lunch break, Panesar in particular is able to adapt to the uncomfortably slow surface. After lunch, the England spinners are very splendid indeed. India are all out, just after the tea, as the red sun makes its way down over the Eden Gardens scoreboard. Eden Gardens indeed; probably the best country in the world, this.Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-83532368373207846862012-11-22T15:31:00.001-08:002012-11-22T15:31:14.037-08:00In the psychiatrist's chair"Well then, Sachin, why are you here today?"<br />
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"I had an argument with MS Dhoni the other day, and I feel I need to tell somebody about it."<br />
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"That's not why you're here, is it?"<br />
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"No. I'd better tell you. It was the fifth day, in the second test at Mumbai. The fourth day was lost to rain, and even after the infant scored a quickfire hundred for England, we were only set 132 to win in two sessions. Viru and Ghambir managed to see off Anderson and Meaker, and Swann too. But then he came...he came..."<br />
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"Who came, Sachin?"<br />
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"No; I can't talk about it. It's too painful, even after three years."<br />
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"It's OK, Sachin, you can talk about it. You are in a safe place here. But you have to tell me or he will never go away...now tell me...who took 10-12 to bowl England to an extraordinary victory?"<br />
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"You know. The bearded one who can't bat or field."<br />
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"Tell me, Sachin. Tell me now, or you will never be free."<br />
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"Monty. Yes, it was Monty Panesar."<br />
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"Well done, Sachin."Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-91293543162566222242012-11-13T15:20:00.000-08:002012-11-13T15:20:00.006-08:00That'll be £50,000, pleaseRedder than a Martian landscape, the Ahmedabad pitch looks back up at Alistair Cook. The red dust flying from the pitch looks like curry powder, ready to confound the bowels of an England batsman in the fourth innings. Sensibly, the Essex man decides to bat, and it is therefore the case that a few moments later he walks out to bat with Nick Compton, who has sensibly decided to remove his goatee beard, following advice from Kevin Pietersen that it looks good.<br />
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Compton is facing up to to Zaheer Khan, who is bowling his regulatory six overs before injuring his hamstring. Compton's first ball in test cricket sears past the off-stump, past the Somerset man's forward prod. He is shaken, but is shaken more still when a moment later there is a booming voice from the sky:<br />
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"Nick, it's Grandpa Denis up in heaven. When you're facing the new ball, and you get one rising outside off stump, just let the ball go - you'll only nick it to slip otherwise." <br />
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As Geoffrey Boycott in the TMS commentary box assures viewers that this is good advice from Compton senior, Compton junior composes himself. But he finds a new certainty, and sees off the remainder of Khan's spell. And it proves to be the Indian spinners who have short-comings; R Ashwin and Yuvraj Singh both regularly leak one boundary an over. It is no great surprise when the England openers return for some lunch, with the score on 109-0 (Compton 51*, Cook 51*).<br />
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The remainder of the day follows relatively calmly, with no further interventions from Compton senior's spirit: and it is a testiment to Compton junior's batting that no further guidance is needed. A test cricketer in his own right now, Nick Compton bats in a splendid manner, deadeningly seeing off Sachin Tendulkar's medium-dobbers, and Virender Sehwag's nonsense. Following Cook's skied pull to mid-on, Kevin Pietersen comes and goes to Yuvraj, but Compton stays. He is 168 not out at close of play, with England looking well placed on 368-5. <br />
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Compton eventually falls the next day for 199, but Graeme Swann and nightwatchman Monty Panesar are able to craft the score past 500. It later transpires that they had a wager, agreeing that the first to pass 50 runs is to be recognised the greatest Northamptonshire spinner of all time. Apart from Anil Kumble and Bishen Bedi. Eventually, England are all out for 555, in the mid-afternoon.<br />
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Graeme Onions, surprisingly preferred to James Anderson, seems to thrive in the heat. He belies the flat surface, pitching the ball full, as first Gautan Ghambir and then Virender Sehwag are dismissed leg before wicket. Even Tendulkar is dismissed leg before wicket, missing a ball that does not turn from an elated Panesar. By tea-time, India are 35-5. By close of play, they are 87-6.<br />
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The following morning sees some stout resistance from Dhoni and the beligerant Ashwin, as they club the England spinners around mercilessly. But Ashwin gets carried away with himself, and dances past a ball floated up by Graeme Swann: Prior has the bails off in a moment, and that proves the mumble which starts the avalanche. India are 187 all out, with five minutes to go before lunch on the third day.<br />
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Cook discusses his options with Flower over lunch - lentil curry, with a naan bread. Both are concerned that Panesar and Swann may not be good enough to withstand Sehwag and Tendulkar in full flight. Nobody wants to see England batting on a last day pitch against spin. They are resolved to refuse the follow-on, but then Pietersen sits opposite the captain and coach.<br />
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"P!ss off Kevin, I haven't got time for you and your text messages now" moans Cook - quite unaware that Pietersen has a valid point to make.<br />
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"Excuse me, sir," responds Pietersen mildly "I just wanted to offer an opinion. I feel you should respect your spinners. For all that is said in the English press, Panesar and Swann are amongst the best of the planet - and even if they have an off-day, you still have Samit Patel and me. Surely, between the four of us, we can see off the Indians without the need to expose English frailties against spin?"<br />
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Shocked, Cook and Flower nod at each other; before Flower propelty acknowledges that Pietersen is right. They decide to require the Indians to follow on. Predictably, the Indian innings is dominated by spin, with Panesar giving Patel lessons in left-arm spin, explaining dull accuracy is the only way to bowl in India. Patel rewards his master, delivering four wickets during what remains of the third day's play. India are ill-positioned, at 280-7 at the end of the third day.<br />
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The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.<br />
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Inspired by the unusual weather, the Indians resist on the fifth day, and Dhoni and Zaheer dig in. When they are bowled out, with four overs to go before the close, the Indians even have a lead of 46.<br />
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Pietersen is asked to open the batting with Captain Cook - but he falls with 22 still needed off two overs, for a three lion victory. Having batted so well in the first innings, Compton is pushed out to finish the job off. Compton is taking his guard, as R Ashwin prepares to bowl. But suddenly, once again, the clouds part and the skies speak once more. <br />
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"You need to give Ashwin some humpty, grandson. Don't be deluded by the use of the initial as a he first name, or even the success in the T20 - he's cr@p."<br />
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And so it follows that England win with an over to spare. Compton has won the game for England. The question is though; which Compton?<br />
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<br />Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-28321861656476175782012-08-14T14:08:00.001-07:002012-08-14T14:08:05.027-07:00A victory for good manners and common senseKevin Pietersen plays after apologising and admitting he has been a very naughty boy. He is forced to write "I recognise that both Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower are both splendid; and what is more, I realise I must never indulge in paranoid fantasies about my teammates." some 250 times. As a precaution, Captain Strauss insists that Pietersen hands over each of his seven mobile telephones twenty minutes before the start of play. That is the end of the matter and they are all friends again.<br />
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The first day, disturbed as it is by rain, is short-lived. But in the 32 overs possible, Steven Finn and James Anderson make significant in-roads into the South African batting line-up. And the run-rate is poor; Hashim Amla's efforts to frustrate the England bowlers backfire, as Simon Taufel gets bored and decides to give him out lbw, even though the ball pitched half a yard outside leg-stump. 66-6 at the end of day one.<br />
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AB de Villiers and Dale Steyn hold up the England seam-bowlers at the start of day two, taking the score on to 160-6. With twenty minutes to go before lunch, Strauss turns to Pietersen for advice. Pietersen asks for a bowl; and de Villiers falls a natural prey to one that turns and bounces, with the ball pricking off his low gloves into the hands of Ian Bell at silly point. The rest of the South African innings subsides meakly, and they are bowled out for 178. England bat well throughout the rest of the day. Pietersen is dragged to the crease when Cook is dismissed 15 minutes before the close; but he plays well, and there seems to be only one possible winner with the score on 190-2.<br />
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Pietersen and Trott play well on the third day, on a benign pitch. The score is 587-6 at close of play, with both Pietersen and Trott scoring 222, in a brace of innings almost designed by fate herself to wind up the South Africans. In his post-play interview, wearing a handsome ECB blazer which is announced as the England cricket team's new Lords uniform, Strauss explains that England wanted to get a big first innings lead, as the South African batsmen are dull, they have every reason to play for a draw and the Lords pitch is amazingly good. <br />
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He need not have worried. By close of play on the fourth day, the South Africans are crying into their beer. England have won by an innings and 48 runs, following a destructive spell of bowling by Steven Finn. Collaborating on their podcast for the BBC website, Jonathan Agnew exclaims that Finn's spell of 8-17 sets a new benchmark in polite hostility, whereas Geoffrey Boycott complains that the South African batsmen have let their country down by not moving their feet. Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-77673051000222650882012-07-31T15:05:00.000-07:002012-07-31T15:05:11.856-07:00Olympic Relief"Come on boys," chirps Graeme Smith, cock-a-hoop with England struggling on 66-4 on a fruity Headlingley track, "he's only 5'52 tall. That is approximately 1.95 times the height of an average Springbok"<div>
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And so starts the Test career of England's new number six, James Taylor. It has been an odd day, with rain preventing any play before tea. Taylor's first three balls from Morne Morkel pass a foot over his head. His third ball is on a good length, outside off-stump, and seams in. In the TMS commentary box, Michael Vaughan gasps as the ball rears towards Taylor's head. But Taylor swings the ball round, past Dale Steyn at fine leg, to take an excellent first boundary. </div>
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With five minutes to go before close of play, he looks a test cricketer, at 45 not out. He is batting well, and has made Imran Tahir in particular look slightly foolish. Smith brings Morkel back. With the last ball of the day, Morkel hits Taylor on the shoulder. The South Africans all go up for lbw, and review the decision using the DRS system, but Hawkeye shows the ball is missing the off stump. </div>
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Still, though, the South Africans are not happy. Overnight, Smith applies for Judicial Review of Third Umpire Rob Bailey's decision not to overturn the onfield umpire's decision. Court delays briefly threaten a start to the next day's play, but fortunately Tugendhat J has tickets, and quickly dismisses the South Africans' application. Taylor's innings continues at 11:00 am. </div>
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It is over, though in the last over before tea. He is the last man out, having scored 144, with the England total at 356 - a shade under par, but it has been cloudy. </div>
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The South Africans struggle. James Anderson is clearly unhappy by being compared unfavourably to Dale Steyn, and bowls significantly quicker - and Graeme Smtih quickly edges him to Graeme Swann at second slip. Hashim Amla is then dismissed in bizarre circumstances, hooking the ball into Ian Bell's helmet at short leg, only for the ball to ricochet to 'keeper Matthew Prior. When Stuart Broad hits a tuft of grass on a convenient length, a tired looking Jacques Kallis has little alternative but to edge the ball to third slip. Jacques Rudolph, playing at his former home ground, briefly threatens to delay England, but Swann traps him lbw, and after that, the rattled South Africans subside very quickly. They are eventually dismissed for 122 all out. There is very widespread criticism of AB de Villiers' decision to play for the South African hockey team at the Olympics in the evening, with de Villiers only able to explain that he did not expect to have to bat that evening. Anyway, Andrew Strauss immediately asks a grumpy looking Smith to follow on. </div>
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The third day is an unsuccessful one for the South Africans. Smith looks grumpy, but the unattractiveness of his play is matched by its effectiveness: he bats all day for a well fought 55*. But at the other end, Swann is able to claim wickets at regular intervals. By close of play, the South Africans have still not achieved parity, and an early conclusion to the match seems to be imminent, with the score at 222-9. </div>
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The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain. </div>
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But the South Africans' hopes of an escape built on adverse meteorology are dashed: once again, the South Africans are undone by their own team. With ten minutes to go before the start of play, Smith makes the awful discovery that Vernon Philander is in London, representing South African in the Olympic weightlifting tournament. The match is declared forfeited.</div>
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As James Taylor readies himself to receive a man-of-the-match cheque which is nearly three times' his length, the presentation ceremony takes an unexpected turn of events. The interviews are interrupted by the national anthem, and suddenly appears the slight figure of HM The Queen. She is beearing medals.</div>
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She briefly explains that Test Match cricket has, at the very last minute, been awarded Olympic status. The remaining squads having failed to attend, the England team are awarded the Gold Medal, the Umpires are given the Silver, and the South Africans the Bronze. </div>
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NWS sincerely hopes he has been nice enough not to be arrested. </div>Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5450497859574713398.post-31857347610708072012012-07-16T14:44:00.001-07:002012-07-16T14:44:40.646-07:00The Kevin Pietersen grudge match<div>
"To play one day cricket, or not to play international cricket" ponders Kevin Pietersen. He sits motionless, cross legged on the sodden Oval outfield, threading a daisy chain. </div>
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The emotion is almost too much for him: it has been a huge day. England's victory, his own 158, Steven Finn's 8-28 and the tears of the South Africans, mourning Mark Boucher's sudden and unexpected retirement. </div>
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Pietersen feels a pair of eyes looking down upon him. He looks up to Graeme Smith, smiling smugly on the Oval balcony. He knows what he has to do. He stands up, and makes his way slowly towards Andy Flower's office, thinking only about how to persuade the England coach to take him back. </div>Next Week's Scoreboardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04425029587997715770noreply@blogger.com0