Things are little better in London. Sitting in his flat above 10 Downing Street, David Cameron listens in dismay to Francis Maude's announcement that all the animals in Longleat are to be slain, in order to save the petrol used to fuel the estate's fleet of Land Rovers. He decides he needs a break from self-important ministers, and switches the radio over to the cricket. He hears the score and starts to weep.
As Jonathan Agnew runs through the scoreboard, Geoffrey Boycott comments on what an accomplished batsman Jonathan Trott is. Cameron sips some tea. He ponders that England's best batsman is, in fact, South African. Downcast, he says to himself that this is a failure on the part of English domestic cricket, before suddenly being improved by an alternative perspective: that Jonathan Trott is an indication of the success of English cricket. He and Kevin Pietersen have paid a generous compliment to English cricket by moving here. They decided that England was a better place than South Africa to play cricket - and that's great, because they both seem to be decent people.
But as he listens to Agnew running through the England scorecard, Cameron is puzzled to learn that a bowler has been dropped as a result of England's poor batting performance in Galle. And not just any bowler: Monty Panesar. The team's most enthusiastic and hardworking player has been dropped.
Cameron turns the radio down, and reflects a moment longer: England is a team which is improved by its imports, but where the ones who quietly work hard do not always get the greatest reward. Yes, thinks Cameron, England is a team which is improved by its imports, but where the ones who quietly work hard do not always get the greatest reward. A cricket team is a microcosm for the nation it represents, and more generally, cricket is a metaphor for life.
Cameron realises what he must do, to improve both his country and improve its cricket team. For they are one and the same thing. He announces what the BBC calls a "package of measures" intended to improve people, including the allocation of additional votes to those with higher IQ levels, government incentives for good manners and lower rates of tax for the hardest working (but not necessarily the highest earning).
After a performance demonstrating enormous commitment in sapping heat, England are able to turn the match around, and win by three wickets.
