Twitter

It is the last straw for Andy Flower. After Kevin Pietersen caused havoc at the MCC, by tweeting the rumour that Graeme Swann would abandon the Test Match to sing for the United Kingdom in the Eurovision Song Contest, the iPads of the entire England are fitted with a new application. The "Focus on Cricket" application gives the user a mild electric shock, if they attempt to log on to any social media website. It takes Pietersen several times to understand how - and indeed that - it works.  

As it is, Darren Sammy wins the toss, and elects to bat. Things get off to a pretty bad start; James Anderson and Stuart Broad bowl particularly well, and West Indies subside to 24-2.  However, Adrian Barath and Darren Bravo nurse the West Indians to lunch with no further alarm.  There is little to recommend the remainder of the day; Tim Bresnan continues to bowl every single delivery half a yard outside off stump, and Graeme Swann is off form. By close of play, it is the West Indies who are on top at 255-3.

The England effort is much improved on Saturday; the explanation given by the ECB is that Andy Flower gave the team a "talking to" on Friday night, whereas the Sky television links it to the tidal moments of the River Trent. However, the truth is more complex; bored by the Twitter ban, James Anderson and Graeme Swann have turned to a spare copy of Wisden, and have spent Friday night studying the form of their opponents. Anderson was intrigued to discover that Shivnarine Chanderpaul is dismissed leg before wicket on a disproportionate number of occasions, and resolved to bowler a little straighter to him. No surprise then, that Chanderpaul fell lbw in the first over of the day.  That is the catalyst for a "Calypso Collapso", as Michael Holding sadly describes it. Three overs before lunch, the West Indies have folded for 298 all out.  

The remainder of the day sees just one wicket, as Jonathan Trott and Alastair Cook both set about enormously long innings. Both innings progress through Sunday, and perhaps out of boredom, Andrew Strauss declares late on Sunday night with the score on 500-1. 

Monday is, unfortunately, like shooting ducks for the England bowlers. The weather is overcast, and West Indian after West Indian has little alternative but to prod forward to the England seamers, hopefully but hopelessly, the ball flying off their hapless bats to the alert slip cordon. It is England who are sipping the champagne by 3:20 in the afternoon, shortly after an in-swinger from James Anderson shatters Kemar Roach's stumps.  England win by an innings and 32 runs. 

Calypso Spirit

Just before play on Thursday morning, the surprise selections of Jack Brooks and Stuart Meaker, standing in for the food poisoned James Anderson and Stuart Broad, means the Lords murmur is an octave higher than usual.

Brooks in particular is a tired man.  His 11-2-12-7 at Canterbury was harder work than it sounds, and the call-up from England at 9:30 in the morning came as a complete surprise.  But two hours later, as he looks down at the cherry glossed Duke ball at Lords and sees the three golden lions on the side of the ball, he knows his chance has come. 

"This man got an eeevil bandana," responds Adrian Barath, opening the batting for the West Indies, "and he's got a naasty mullet."

But it proves to be Brooks' bowling, rather than his haircut, that is truly malevolent. The strong Steelback starts in, walking his first stride before getting into stride. He approaches the crease at the Nursery End. He leaps into his delivery stride, and with an effortless balance lets the ball go at 85 mph. The ball arrives on a length, and Barath is unsure what to do; it rears at him, and catches the edge of his "Calypso 55" bat.  The ball flies to Jonny Bairstow, fielding in his first test match at gully. 

That is the highlight of an abbreviated day of cricket, as rain sets in just after noon.  With play abandoned for the day at Lords, Brooks contemplates going down to Canterbury to help out his beloved Northamptonshire, but an ECB official - later proved to be a Kent spy - forbids Brooks from doing joining his teammates. 

Perhaps that is a blessing for Brooks, though, as Friday is a blustery day, and Brooks and Meaker both get a long bowl.  Meaker bowls particularly quickly, but decisive strokeplay from Darren Bravo in particular means that the game is finely balanced. At close of play, the score is 346-8. 

10:30 Saturday morning, and Darren Sammy is getting ready to continue his careful innings. But he looks up at the leaden skies, and reflects: who would want to bat against Finn, Meaker and Brooks in this weather?  On a whim, he declares.  His smart decision reaps immediate rewards: the England openers are ill-prepared, and in just the third over, Kemar Roach bowls Alastair Cook through the gate. Jonathan Trott edges the next ball to Barath at slip, and it is as if West Indian cricket is back in its glory days once more.  Despite a pugnacious 76 from Bairstow, in his maiden test innings, England are finally bowled out just after tea, for 226, and whilst Finn takes three before the close, the West Indies have a distinct advantage of 63-3.   

Unfortunately, due to a diary error the West Indians are obliged to attend a rum tasting event at the Barbadian embassy that night. The next morning, the effects are mixed: "I am feeling groggy, man. That Captain Morgan has given me bad sensations" complains Dwayne Bravo as Jonathan Agnew interviews him just before play starts. At first, it seems Darren Bravo is inspired by his hangover, taking 22 off the first five balls of Graeme Swann's first over. But he skies the final ball of the Nottinghamshire twirler's over, and the ball is caught by Kevin Pietersen at cover point.  

"Very very stupid indeed. Quite unforgivable, that," tuts Test Match Special guest commentator, Ritchie Benaud. His disappointment is audible and understandable, as despite a resolute innings from Darren Sammy, the West Indian innings subsides. When Brooks takes a sharp caught and bowled chance just after lunch, they are all out for 132. England are set 253 to win. 

England captain Strauss is nursing a migraine, so Trott and Cook open the batting. They play well to take the England innings to 54, before Cook edges Shane Shillingford to Darren Bravo at slip.  Pietersen and Bell follow cheaply, and when Bairstow falls twenty minutes before the close, England are precariously poised at 152-4. But Brooks agrees to act at nightwatchman, much in his own style. In the last over of the day, he clubs Shillingford for two giant sixes in the Mound Stand.  The balance of power has shifted again; presumably England cannot lose from 182-4? 

Indeed they can't, as it turns out.  In very different styles, Brooks and Trott polish off the remaining runs. Trott is able to celebrate his century, before Brooks drives Shillingford through the covers to seal an England victory.