The end

In a show of strength, Andy Flower announces that England have an unchanged team, two days ahead of the start of the Second Test Match at Lords.  Similarly, Australia pick the same eleven, despite some infantile stories in The Sun regarding Ashton Agar's time at Henley-on-Thames.  

Australia win the toss, and looking down at a dry surface, they elect to bat first. James Anderson looks tired, and after four fruitless overs he is replaced by Steven Finn. Finn bowls well, and a tired looking Chris Rogers edges to Alastair Cook, who is looking tired at first slip.  But Ed Cowan bats solidly, and with the brutal strokeplay of Shane Watson, sees Australia safely to lunch with the score on 90-1. Graeme Swann - looking somewhat weary - is able to dismiss Watson just after lunch, but in increasing temperatures, Watson and his captain Michael Clarke start to get the upper hand in front of an increasingly concerned English crowd.  Finally, Cook throws the ball to Ian Bell, having mistaken him for Anderson, following a mix-up with the England captain's contact lenses.  

What follows causes Clarke recurring nightmares, which strike him at irregular intervals for the following three years, before he finally discovers the link between eating asparagus and the nightmare.  The first ball of Bell's over is pitched up, but just as Clarke readies himself to clobber it over extra cover, it grips the pitch, hesitating a little.  Surely, the ball strikes Clarke's bat, but far from flying over extra cover, it flies up to the waiting hands of Joe Root at mid-off.

This proves the catalyst for a batting catastrophe.  Furious after seeing an article in the Sydney Morning Herald suggesting he is tall but rubbish, Finn bowls faster and faster, peaking at 93.2 mph as Australian after Australian is dismissed in a ruthless spell of 6-6-7-7.  Just before tea, Australia are bowled out for 156. 

In an unremarkable innings, England take a day and a half over notching 421. Bell continues his fine form with a cultured 134. Clarke blows both of Australia's DRS reviews on speculative leg before wicket appeals off Peter Siddle's bowling; only later does he admit that he is doing it to keep Siddle's sense of injustice fully primed, so that he may bowl ever more angrily. 

In her second innings, Australia bats well in the first instance; Watson is out on the first ball of the innings, but Rogers and Cowan bat well on a wearing pitch. 

But when - in a bid to puzzle the Australians - Cook asks Root and Kevin Pietersen to bowl in tandem, England strike in subsequent overs.  The Australians then fold, over the course of another six over spell from Finn; this is the end for them.  There is no future now.