Tuesday 10 June 2014

Lords gets boreds

"The trouble with Kevin was that we all found him incredibly annoying," explains Alistair Cook, with the fuzzy head of Nasser Hussain's Sky microphone thrust in his face, "we're looking to bounce back from the disappointments of the winter, and that's why we've introduced three debutants.  It's what management consultants call a "fresh start"".

But unfortunately, there is nothing fresh about Cook's sodden footwork, as he edges Chanaka Welegedara to Mahela Jayawardene at first slip in the very first over. Unfortunately, Hussain forgot to ask Cook about the batting order, so there is some degree of uncertainty as to who is to replace him, but Moeen Ali eventually makes his way through the Long Room to meet fellow freshman Sam Robson. Welegedara pitches the ball up; it swings away a little, and the heart of every Englishman in the crowd is in his mouth. But Ali reaches forward, and clatters the ball past Tillekaratne Dilshan at cover point. The ball whistles down the slope into the boundary boards, and makes a resonant boom as it hits a boundary hoarding.

And so it is that the spirits of the Sri Lankans slip through the morning and then the day, as Moeen and Robson steadily accumulate. Farveez Maharoof in particular looks like he would rather be playing one day "cricket", perhaps because he would. Moeen departs for a well-crafted 86, but as Cook sits on the balcony, manfully watching replays of his dismissal on the video analyst's iPod, Robson and Ballance increase the scoring rate. Rain curtails the day's play, but England are still very well placed on 315 for 2 (Robson 132*, Ballance 99*).

Ballance is run out in a mix-up the following morning, but England's pursuit of a painfully high score is unrelenting. In an innings later dedicated to Jonathan Trott, Robson bats for hour after hour, as he drives onwards towards his double century. He is eventually dismissed for 192, but as Chris Jordan cheerfully smites Maharoof into the Mound Stand, everyone in the ground knows that England are going to take 600 off Sri Lanka.

England finally declare on 602*; Sri Lanka are bowled out for 213 (Jordan 5-45), follow on, and are bowled out again, also for 213 (Moeen 3-13).