And so starts the Test career of England's new number six, James Taylor. It has been an odd day, with rain preventing any play before tea. Taylor's first three balls from Morne Morkel pass a foot over his head. His third ball is on a good length, outside off-stump, and seams in. In the TMS commentary box, Michael Vaughan gasps as the ball rears towards Taylor's head. But Taylor swings the ball round, past Dale Steyn at fine leg, to take an excellent first boundary.
With five minutes to go before close of play, he looks a test cricketer, at 45 not out. He is batting well, and has made Imran Tahir in particular look slightly foolish. Smith brings Morkel back. With the last ball of the day, Morkel hits Taylor on the shoulder. The South Africans all go up for lbw, and review the decision using the DRS system, but Hawkeye shows the ball is missing the off stump.
Still, though, the South Africans are not happy. Overnight, Smith applies for Judicial Review of Third Umpire Rob Bailey's decision not to overturn the onfield umpire's decision. Court delays briefly threaten a start to the next day's play, but fortunately Tugendhat J has tickets, and quickly dismisses the South Africans' application. Taylor's innings continues at 11:00 am.
It is over, though in the last over before tea. He is the last man out, having scored 144, with the England total at 356 - a shade under par, but it has been cloudy.
The South Africans struggle. James Anderson is clearly unhappy by being compared unfavourably to Dale Steyn, and bowls significantly quicker - and Graeme Smtih quickly edges him to Graeme Swann at second slip. Hashim Amla is then dismissed in bizarre circumstances, hooking the ball into Ian Bell's helmet at short leg, only for the ball to ricochet to 'keeper Matthew Prior. When Stuart Broad hits a tuft of grass on a convenient length, a tired looking Jacques Kallis has little alternative but to edge the ball to third slip. Jacques Rudolph, playing at his former home ground, briefly threatens to delay England, but Swann traps him lbw, and after that, the rattled South Africans subside very quickly. They are eventually dismissed for 122 all out. There is very widespread criticism of AB de Villiers' decision to play for the South African hockey team at the Olympics in the evening, with de Villiers only able to explain that he did not expect to have to bat that evening. Anyway, Andrew Strauss immediately asks a grumpy looking Smith to follow on.
The third day is an unsuccessful one for the South Africans. Smith looks grumpy, but the unattractiveness of his play is matched by its effectiveness: he bats all day for a well fought 55*. But at the other end, Swann is able to claim wickets at regular intervals. By close of play, the South Africans have still not achieved parity, and an early conclusion to the match seems to be imminent, with the score at 222-9.
The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
But the South Africans' hopes of an escape built on adverse meteorology are dashed: once again, the South Africans are undone by their own team. With ten minutes to go before the start of play, Smith makes the awful discovery that Vernon Philander is in London, representing South African in the Olympic weightlifting tournament. The match is declared forfeited.
As James Taylor readies himself to receive a man-of-the-match cheque which is nearly three times' his length, the presentation ceremony takes an unexpected turn of events. The interviews are interrupted by the national anthem, and suddenly appears the slight figure of HM The Queen. She is beearing medals.
She briefly explains that Test Match cricket has, at the very last minute, been awarded Olympic status. The remaining squads having failed to attend, the England team are awarded the Gold Medal, the Umpires are given the Silver, and the South Africans the Bronze.
NWS sincerely hopes he has been nice enough not to be arrested.
