It is now time for Andy Flower to read Joe Root's bedtime story.
"Can you tell me the one about Stuart Broad's daddy winning the Ashes in 1986/7?"
"No, I have to tell you another story - this one is about a nasty Australian - are you ready for it?" replies Flower.
Root looks a little worried, and five minutes later, he is shaking a little.
"So Mitchell Johnson's great-great-grandfather was convicted of stealing the frankincense off Jesus? Thank goodness he was sent to Australia, so everyone in England could be safe. I must score a triple century against him tomorrow, I must, I must."
"Yes - and Michael Clarke's great-grandfather was King Herod. Mmmm. That's right, you didn't know that did you? Now, you'd better get some sleep. You've got a lot of batting to do tomorrow."
Day two is a good one for England, and for Root in particular. With his assiduous concentration, he bats well against a decaying Australian bowling attack. When Johnson finally limps off, Root seems to relax a bit and eases into his game. He is finally dismissed on 239, but with Ben Stokes weighing in with a brutal 112, England look very well placed on 512-5.
Rumour circulates Perth that England will declare overnight, but with temperatures hitting 55 degrees centigrade, Cook is having none of it. By lunchtime, with the score on 612, Clarke is seen pleading with Cook, but on England go. Finally, when Clarke himself is seen limping after bowling 15 overs on the trot, England declare on 713-8 (Root 239, Broad 168*, Stokes 112, Johnson 2-278).
Australia do not last long, and with twenty minutes to go before the end of Day 3, they are bowled out for 68 (Tremlett 8-22). Afterwards, Clarke resigns his captaincy of the Australian team, with a sad lick of tears a hapless press conference.
The Australian parliament threatens to abolish Joe Root and Chris Tremlett, but following intervention from Prince Charles, they relent.
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