Ricky Ponting wins the toss, and after the Australian team have introduced themselves to each other, it is young Philip Hughes' turn in the firing line. The England selectors have selected Chris Tremlett as Stuart Broad's replacement, but he has to wait in the queue behind James Anderson and Steven Finn to complete an excellent new ball spell, which accounts for both Hughes and Shane Watson. Ponting and Michael Clarke do well to see the Australians safely to lunch, however, at exactly 100-2.
Tremlett is given the first over after lunch. He is relaxed now. He pushes the ball into the hard pitch, just short of the length. Clarke prods forward; but the ball bounces and deviates off the seam. The ball flies to Graeme Swann at slip.
The following ninety minutes will be remembered as one of the most splendid ninety minutes in English Test cricket. In his following over, Tremlett uproots Ponting's off-stump, as the Australian unwisely leaves an in-swinger; then the tall Hampshire bowler makes the ball dance off a length, to kiss Michael Hussey's gloves on its journey to Swann at slip. Suddenly, Australia are in disarray again. And characteristically, they wilt under a hot grill of high quality England fast bowling. I won't spoil the surprise for you; suffice to say that just before tea, Australia are 143 all out (Tremlett 8-37).
Against that background, one would have thought that Alastair Cook would be entirely at ease as he opens England's response. But that is not so: it is only a few minutes since he had received an awful shock. He had opened his kit-bag, only to find a live Koala Bear - hidden there by Michael Clarke, in a characteristically coarse attempt to disturb the England opener's mental preparations. After five minutes which would not have been out of place in Laurel and Hardy, Paul Collingwood had caught the beast, and the England team had christened the animal Alice. But Cook is a decent man and, oh God! - he had heard Merv Hughes and Mike Gatting discussing whether they could barbecue her. England security supremo Reg Dickinson had assured Cook that he would look after her, but as waits for Mitchell Johnson, he cannot help but be concerned about Alice's well-being.
Johnson is approaching the crease now; but as he enters his delivery stride, Alice's friendly looking face jumps into Cook's mind. Cook pulls away, forcing Johnson to abandon the ball. Cook is in trouble, in turmoil. His head tells him England must comes first, but in his heart he is only thinking about Alice. He is not sure he can continue batting, but then something happens which will change the face of Ashes' cricket forever: the Channel Nine cameras zoom in on Alice, safely perched on England analyst Gemma Broad's lap, cheerfully tucking into a carrot. Cook sees this on the big screen and is immediately reassured. He knows that Alice is safe, and it's no surprise when in the last over before the close of play, he clips Beer through the mid-wicket to reach his third hundred of the series. As he returns to the dressing room to cuddle a delighted Alice, England have long surpassed Australia's score and are on 190-2.
England have a splendid second day of the Test Match. It had become clear the previous day that Beer was an awful bowler, but nevertheless Ponting persists with him againsgt Kevin Pietersen. It is Pietersen's pleasure, as he plays an exhibitionist innings full of flair, pleasure and destruction, eventually getting stumped on 212 trying to break the world record for the biggest six. England end the day on 434 for 6 (Pietersen 212, Cook 111).
They might well have scored more, but the day is, in fact, brought to a premature close by an unexpected tropical storm which strikes Perth. The storm continues: and day three is, unfortunately, lost to rain. It is horrible weather. After lunch, Ponting takes Strauss to one side. The Australian suggests that the match should be abandoned, so that the Barmy Army members waiting patiently in the stands can get into the dry. But Strauss is having none of it. He explains that many England supporters are from the North, where it often rains and it is almost always cold. They are hardy souls. But with the weather worsening, he agrees after that the teams and their supporters should return to their respective hotels. Alice is hugely relieved to return to the Hotel Splendid. She is very frightened by the lightning, particularly when a thunderbolt hits the pavilion and causes Ricky Ponting's name to explode on the electronic scoreboard.
The weather is formidable overnight, and whilst the sunshine has returned by the morning, play is impossible on day four as the groundsmen clear up the mess.
At 10:30 on the morning of the fifth day, Umpire Taufel declares that the pitch is playable. Strauss immediately declares, leaving the Australians trying to bat out the final day to secure a draw. Hughes fails again, but this time Ponting is more successful, playing Tremlett with the talent that has guided him through his immense Test Match career. He and Michael Clarke are able to guide Australia to 104-2. Surely it'll be a draw?
But the match is thrown into turmoil for the Australians once again, just after lunch. Clarke is a superb player of spin, but Swann is able to bowl him through the gate, in a triumph for the former Northamptonshire twirler. Hussey fails again, edging Swann to slip, and suddenly Ponting finds himself batting with Brad Haddin. Haddin is able to keep Ponting company, but just before tea he falls lbw to a ball that keeps low from Tremlett. The scoring is slow, but surely Australia can't lose from 210 for 5 at tea?
The tensionometer edges a little higher, though, as Steve Smith is dismissed after tea - six down now - but Johnson and Ponting are able to bat out a further fifteen overs. They also push ahead the scoring rate. The match is almost up, then, as Anderson and Finn take the second new ball. It does the trick: Johnson simply misses a swinging full-toss from Anderson and is out lbw, and Beer proves he is no better with bat than ball, as he edges the following ball to Anderson to Strauss at slip. When Peter Siddle is bowled by Steven Finn, the Australians know they are in trouble: there are seven overs left, with England just having one wicket to claim. But Ponting is at the other end, hitting out in order to try to make England bat again.
One over to go now. One wicket to get. James Anderson bowling. Australia three runs behind: England will not have time to bat again, so if Ponting can hit a boundary, the match will be drawn. Anderson runs in, and bowls an in-swinger. The ball clips the inside of the bat, and narrowly misses the leg-stump. Finn is charging round the boundary to stop the ball from going for four, but it is too far for him. Surely the ball will go for four, and the match will be drawn?
But what is this? Alice has escaped from the England dressing room, and has run onto the outfield. She is eating her way through one of the many apples which the Australian supporters have thrown at Ian Bell, when the ball strikes her on the backside. The ball stops dead, just inside the boundary rope. Finn hurls the ball back to Matthew Prior, who whips the bails off to run out Ponting, who is celebrating at the other end of the pitch.
The umpires consult, and ask the third umpire to check that Alice's tail was not touching the boundary room when the ball hit her. Eventually, it is concluded that the ball has not gone for four, and England have won by an innings and two runs. Alice runs to her master, Alastair Cook. Her bottom is quite sore, but England's new heroine feels much better for a cuddle.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Decisions, decisions
Mark Nicholas on Channel 9 asks Ricky Ponting whether he wants to bat or bowl, after winning the toss.
He's is in pensive mood. It has only been two days since he had appeared on Australia's genealogy television show Who do you think you are, mate?, and they had revealed the truth about his great-great-great grandfather. Not Captain Cook, as his mother had always told him, but a criminal shipped out from Tilbury after being convicted of illegal gambling. It had been a blow.
After a quick glance at the pitch, with glades of grass as green as Greendale, he errs on the side of boldness and decides to bat.
He's is in pensive mood. It has only been two days since he had appeared on Australia's genealogy television show Who do you think you are, mate?, and they had revealed the truth about his great-great-great grandfather. Not Captain Cook, as his mother had always told him, but a criminal shipped out from Tilbury after being convicted of illegal gambling. It had been a blow.
After a quick glance at the pitch, with glades of grass as green as Greendale, he errs on the side of boldness and decides to bat.
-------
Five minutes after lunch, on the second day. Australia batted well, but were dismissed for 363 by an impressive English bowling attack, just before the close of the first day's play. Now, the pitch is drying out and England have batted well. Ian Bell, promoted to open in Alastair Cook's absence, has batted fluently for his 76. Strauss is looking calm at the non-striker's end, and England are well placed on 105-0.
The plan agreed at lunchtime had been to open with the seam bowlers - but Xavier Doherty had bowled well in the nets before start of play, dismissing Ponting himself three times. So on a hunch, no more than that, Ponting pulls off Ryan Harris and throws the ball to Doherty.
Doherty limbers up, pitching the ball into the Adelaide sunshine, with a flick of the fingers to give the ball a burst of electric spin. Bell's eyes narrow a little. A moment grabs him. The temptation grabs him. He moves out of his crease, raising his bat like a knight at Agencourt, ready to chop down a Frenchman. The ball pitches. The ball turns. Bell swings widly at it. Bell misses it. Haddin fumbles the ball, and the stumping chance is gone, like a handful of dust blown away in the Autumn breeze.
Ponting knows he is in trouble, through little or no fault of his own.
The plan agreed at lunchtime had been to open with the seam bowlers - but Xavier Doherty had bowled well in the nets before start of play, dismissing Ponting himself three times. So on a hunch, no more than that, Ponting pulls off Ryan Harris and throws the ball to Doherty.
Doherty limbers up, pitching the ball into the Adelaide sunshine, with a flick of the fingers to give the ball a burst of electric spin. Bell's eyes narrow a little. A moment grabs him. The temptation grabs him. He moves out of his crease, raising his bat like a knight at Agencourt, ready to chop down a Frenchman. The ball pitches. The ball turns. Bell swings widly at it. Bell misses it. Haddin fumbles the ball, and the stumping chance is gone, like a handful of dust blown away in the Autumn breeze.
Ponting knows he is in trouble, through little or no fault of his own.
-------
It's crisis time for Australia as Ponting comes to the crease for the second time: this time just before tea on the third day, in response to England's enormous 517-1 (Bell 332*, Strauss 140).
He is tired: emotionally and physically the Ashes are already taking their toll on him. Cricket is all he cares about; but this is not going well. Simon Katich has just been caught by Strauss at slip, and from the television footage available to the Australians in their dressing room he already knows that Stuart Broad is bowling with pace, bounce and aggression. Ponting knows he is vulnerable, and knows that if he is dismissed, Australia may collapse.
Broad bounds in, with that long face, so poignant to Australians who suffered at his father's hands in the '86-'87 series. Approaching the wicket now, leaping into that long delivery stride. Ponting pushes forward, but there is a click as the ball catches the shoulder of the bat. Is this the end for Ponting and Australia? Ponting flicks his neck round to see the path of the ball. And he lives to fight another day: the ball passes high over the slips' head, as Broad stomps his feet like an angry donkey.
Monty is thrown the ball by Strauss, but he is dog tired. It's just after tea on the fourth day, now, but with only six wickets down and with rain predicted for the fifth day, a draw now looks a likely outcome. Ponting's superb 186 stood in England's way for most of the day, and now Brad Haddin and Doug Bollinger have blocked out the three lions for over half an hour. Is there anything Monty can do?
He is unsure of what to do; and having dropped that catch off Graeme Swann's bowling to give Ponting a reprieve on 21, he is feeling the pressure. The Australian supporters jeer his every move, and he knows this should be his time. The big opportunity: unexpectedly called up because of Cook's illness just before the start of the test, and now failing to deliver.
But Kevin Pietersen can see the spinner is looking down, and decides to get behind him, in an unusual sense of the phrase. He grabs the spinner's backside in order to gee him up. The crowd laugh as Panesar jumps. But his shock at his teammate's over-familiarity is sufficient to break the vortex: and somehow, somehow, he lets go, forgetting his nightmare, forgetting the "coaching", forgetting the criticism. He decides to let the ball talk for him, and produces the best bowling display of his life.
The match has gone now. England have won by eight wickets. The crowds have gone, and the Australian team are packing their bags.
In a quiet corner of the dressing room, Ponting is drinking a can of Castlemaine XXXX, because that is what Australians do. He's exhausted now, there is no more. He asks himself whether he should accept the suggestion made by The Adelaide Times that he should away the captaincy to Shane Warne.
Decisions, decisions.
(PS. NWS would like to apologise for the late delivery of this prediction. To explain, it is simply because NWS got confused about when this test match was starting. Easy mistake to make.)
He is tired: emotionally and physically the Ashes are already taking their toll on him. Cricket is all he cares about; but this is not going well. Simon Katich has just been caught by Strauss at slip, and from the television footage available to the Australians in their dressing room he already knows that Stuart Broad is bowling with pace, bounce and aggression. Ponting knows he is vulnerable, and knows that if he is dismissed, Australia may collapse.
Broad bounds in, with that long face, so poignant to Australians who suffered at his father's hands in the '86-'87 series. Approaching the wicket now, leaping into that long delivery stride. Ponting pushes forward, but there is a click as the ball catches the shoulder of the bat. Is this the end for Ponting and Australia? Ponting flicks his neck round to see the path of the ball. And he lives to fight another day: the ball passes high over the slips' head, as Broad stomps his feet like an angry donkey.
-------
Monty is thrown the ball by Strauss, but he is dog tired. It's just after tea on the fourth day, now, but with only six wickets down and with rain predicted for the fifth day, a draw now looks a likely outcome. Ponting's superb 186 stood in England's way for most of the day, and now Brad Haddin and Doug Bollinger have blocked out the three lions for over half an hour. Is there anything Monty can do?
He is unsure of what to do; and having dropped that catch off Graeme Swann's bowling to give Ponting a reprieve on 21, he is feeling the pressure. The Australian supporters jeer his every move, and he knows this should be his time. The big opportunity: unexpectedly called up because of Cook's illness just before the start of the test, and now failing to deliver.
But Kevin Pietersen can see the spinner is looking down, and decides to get behind him, in an unusual sense of the phrase. He grabs the spinner's backside in order to gee him up. The crowd laugh as Panesar jumps. But his shock at his teammate's over-familiarity is sufficient to break the vortex: and somehow, somehow, he lets go, forgetting his nightmare, forgetting the "coaching", forgetting the criticism. He decides to let the ball talk for him, and produces the best bowling display of his life.
-------
The match has gone now. England have won by eight wickets. The crowds have gone, and the Australian team are packing their bags.
In a quiet corner of the dressing room, Ponting is drinking a can of Castlemaine XXXX, because that is what Australians do. He's exhausted now, there is no more. He asks himself whether he should accept the suggestion made by The Adelaide Times that he should away the captaincy to Shane Warne.
Decisions, decisions.
(PS. NWS would like to apologise for the late delivery of this prediction. To explain, it is simply because NWS got confused about when this test match was starting. Easy mistake to make.)
Monday, 15 November 2010
Australia is a foreign country; they do things differently there
"Good God," remarks Alistair Cook to Andrew Strauss as they walk out to bat in the Woolloongabba sunshine. The two batsman look at the Australian team's haircuts, agog. Short at the front. Short at the side. Short on top. Long at the back.
"We're all taking part in 'Muvember'," explains Ricky Ponting, "the idea is that ordinarily sensible Australians grow mullets for charity in the month of November. Would you like to sponsor me?"
"Er, no thanks" replies Strauss.
He takes Cook to one side, and tells him not to be taken in by the Australians' duplicitous attempts to put them off with their Wham! barnets. But the England batsmen react in different ways, and whilst Cook retreats into "the zone", as the Sky commentators puzzlingly describe it, Strauss is visibly upset. It's not long before he snicks a lifting delivery from Doug Bollinger to Michael Clarke at slip.
That brings Jonathan Trott to the crease. He bats steadily until the teams pause briefly to eat lunch, over Neighbours. Inspired by the happy news that Scott and Charlene have got back together, Cook resumes after lunch with gusto, expressing himself against the latest Australian spin sensation, Xavier Doherty. At the other end. Trott bats steadily until tea. Cook is eventually stumped on 113, shortly after tea, but Trott bats steadily after tea to reach his own hundred. At stumps, the tired Australians are forced to applaud Trott and Kevin Pietersen as England close on 357 for 2.
The next day is a bleak one for Australian cricket. Trott bats steadily, but Pietersen demonstrates that Doherty is no better than Steve Smith, Jason Krejza, Nathan Hauritz, Beau Casson, Bryce McGain and Brad Hogg. There are possibly others who I can't remember that he's no better than; that's how bad it's got. Anyway, Pietersen retires on 332, out of respect for Graham Gooch's 333, but England declare at the close of play on 727 for 7.
The third day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
So England have two days to bowl the Australians out twice; can it be done? Ricky Ponting is having none of it. He settles in, playing splendidly against the excellent England quicks. Even Graeme Swann and surprise selection Monty Panesar are unable to disturb him. He bats and bats, but at the other end, wickets fall at regular intervals. Still, at close of play, with the score on 404 for 4 (Ponting 202*), a draw does seem likely.
So it is a relatively sparse crowd which turns up on the final day. By 11:30, Australia have reached 453 without any further loss. Finally, though, Ponting pads up to a straight one from Panesar. He is out lbw, but more significantly, and to the astonishment of the English media, he declares, still 274 runs behind. As Ponting walks off the field, a confused Mark Nicholas asks him why he has declared behind the follow-on total.
"Well mate, the Pommies got 727, and if you take 200 off that the follow-on target must be 427...oh hang on...oh no..." Ponting says, scratching his head. Shane Warne, who is visiting the Australian dressing room, has his head in his hands as Strauss duly enforces the follow-on.
The result is that England have 82 overs to bowl out the Australians again. Stuart Broad makes early inroads, uprooting Simon Katich's leg-stump, and trapping Ponting leg before wicket the following ball. Right spirited cricket lovers, of whatever nationality, can only feel sad for the diminuitive Australian, who cuts a sad figure as he leaves the field. But the Australian supporters don't see it quite that way and chant "You're extraordinarily stupid" as he walks off.
The England bowlers are also unforgiving too, and continue to progress against the somewhat downhearted Australian batsmen during the course of the day. By tea-time, with 42 overs remaining to be bowled, the Australians are in a bad position at 198 for 8.
But the Australian is a tough character, and Mitchell Johnson and Bollinger are fighting a battle for their captain and country. On a dying pitch, Panesar and Swann bowl splendidly, but the Australian southpaws stand their ground. Only with 12 overs to go does Swann finally get Bollinger to glove a frustrated bouncer to Paul Collingwood at slip.
That just leaves the injured Ben Hilfenhaus to bat out the last 12 overs. But oh no - what is this? He has runner - Ricky Ponting, wanting to do the right thing for his country.
What, Richie Benaud asks his viewers, could possibly go wrong?
PS. (Please see Benaud's post-match reaction to Ponting's premature declaration in the box to the right, courtesy of youtube. Interestingly, he made some very similar comments when Trevor Chappell bowled his underarm ball to Bruce McKechnie at the MCG in 1981. How history repeats itself.)
"We're all taking part in 'Muvember'," explains Ricky Ponting, "the idea is that ordinarily sensible Australians grow mullets for charity in the month of November. Would you like to sponsor me?"
"Er, no thanks" replies Strauss.
He takes Cook to one side, and tells him not to be taken in by the Australians' duplicitous attempts to put them off with their Wham! barnets. But the England batsmen react in different ways, and whilst Cook retreats into "the zone", as the Sky commentators puzzlingly describe it, Strauss is visibly upset. It's not long before he snicks a lifting delivery from Doug Bollinger to Michael Clarke at slip.
That brings Jonathan Trott to the crease. He bats steadily until the teams pause briefly to eat lunch, over Neighbours. Inspired by the happy news that Scott and Charlene have got back together, Cook resumes after lunch with gusto, expressing himself against the latest Australian spin sensation, Xavier Doherty. At the other end. Trott bats steadily until tea. Cook is eventually stumped on 113, shortly after tea, but Trott bats steadily after tea to reach his own hundred. At stumps, the tired Australians are forced to applaud Trott and Kevin Pietersen as England close on 357 for 2.
The next day is a bleak one for Australian cricket. Trott bats steadily, but Pietersen demonstrates that Doherty is no better than Steve Smith, Jason Krejza, Nathan Hauritz, Beau Casson, Bryce McGain and Brad Hogg. There are possibly others who I can't remember that he's no better than; that's how bad it's got. Anyway, Pietersen retires on 332, out of respect for Graham Gooch's 333, but England declare at the close of play on 727 for 7.
The third day is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
So England have two days to bowl the Australians out twice; can it be done? Ricky Ponting is having none of it. He settles in, playing splendidly against the excellent England quicks. Even Graeme Swann and surprise selection Monty Panesar are unable to disturb him. He bats and bats, but at the other end, wickets fall at regular intervals. Still, at close of play, with the score on 404 for 4 (Ponting 202*), a draw does seem likely.
So it is a relatively sparse crowd which turns up on the final day. By 11:30, Australia have reached 453 without any further loss. Finally, though, Ponting pads up to a straight one from Panesar. He is out lbw, but more significantly, and to the astonishment of the English media, he declares, still 274 runs behind. As Ponting walks off the field, a confused Mark Nicholas asks him why he has declared behind the follow-on total.
"Well mate, the Pommies got 727, and if you take 200 off that the follow-on target must be 427...oh hang on...oh no..." Ponting says, scratching his head. Shane Warne, who is visiting the Australian dressing room, has his head in his hands as Strauss duly enforces the follow-on.
The result is that England have 82 overs to bowl out the Australians again. Stuart Broad makes early inroads, uprooting Simon Katich's leg-stump, and trapping Ponting leg before wicket the following ball. Right spirited cricket lovers, of whatever nationality, can only feel sad for the diminuitive Australian, who cuts a sad figure as he leaves the field. But the Australian supporters don't see it quite that way and chant "You're extraordinarily stupid" as he walks off.
The England bowlers are also unforgiving too, and continue to progress against the somewhat downhearted Australian batsmen during the course of the day. By tea-time, with 42 overs remaining to be bowled, the Australians are in a bad position at 198 for 8.
But the Australian is a tough character, and Mitchell Johnson and Bollinger are fighting a battle for their captain and country. On a dying pitch, Panesar and Swann bowl splendidly, but the Australian southpaws stand their ground. Only with 12 overs to go does Swann finally get Bollinger to glove a frustrated bouncer to Paul Collingwood at slip.
That just leaves the injured Ben Hilfenhaus to bat out the last 12 overs. But oh no - what is this? He has runner - Ricky Ponting, wanting to do the right thing for his country.
What, Richie Benaud asks his viewers, could possibly go wrong?
PS. (Please see Benaud's post-match reaction to Ponting's premature declaration in the box to the right, courtesy of youtube. Interestingly, he made some very similar comments when Trevor Chappell bowled his underarm ball to Bruce McKechnie at the MCG in 1981. How history repeats itself.)
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people maybe more
Andrew Strauss, resplendent in a blue blazer, lobs a smart one pound coin into the late summer sky.
"Heads," speculates Salman Butt. The sun bends round a tuft of cloud, and flickers off the sterling as it dances through the London air. Down it comes, and Mike Atherton peers down. He thinks he can sees the queen's portrait and asks Salman what he wants to do. But Salman looks down at the coin slightly quizzically.
"I want to ask my friend Andrew here what he wants to do - you're mistaken, Athers, it's tails" he honestly responds.
Somewhat taken aback, Strauss graciously thanks Salman for his honesty, and says that he will bat. A few moments later, Strauss makes the welcome announcement that England are ditching their fibreglass fabric topic and are reverting to traditional woollen jumpers. This produces a standing ovation from the entiry of the busy Lords crowd.
With steely eyes under a steely coloured sky, the England captain faces up to Mohamed Asif's big swinging fast-dobbers a few moments later. It's difficult to avoid perceiving all that is good about cricket, as Asif bounds in, bowls a splendid in-swinger to the left hander, but is met with a polite forward defensive.
And in that mould, the morning rolls on. Asif and Amir bowl well, but with considerable skill and good old fashioned British pluck, the English openers keep them out. And whilst Amir is finally able to conjure up a slower ball which snares Alistair Cook after lunch, the elegant Jonathan Trott is able to keep Strauss company throughout the afternoon. After Strauss reaches his century, shortly after tea, he splendidly removes his helmet to salute the Lords crowd. Like a Roman gladiator towering over a bloody lion, he stands in the Autumn sun accepting the crowd's adulation, his mighty sword of truth (that's his bat) in one hand and his shield (the helmet) in his other. "Isn't he splendid?", whisper a number of females in the crowd, so quietly that their jealous husbands miss their words.
Trott is bowled by a nicely flighted doosra from Saeed Ajmal. Indeed, so impressed is he by Ajmal's delivery, that Trott graciously shakes Ajmal's hand as he leaves the pitch. But incoming batsman Kevin Pietersen has the mastery of the Pakistani spin bowling, and uses his feet in a virtuoso display in the late evening sun. Thwack! Clump! Boof! By the time he walks past those rickety old park benches in front of the pavilion at the close of play, he has reached his fifty and England look well in control at 366-2.
Friday is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
This is much to the disappointment of the many females who have thronged to the Lords ticket office, in the hope of catching just another glimpse of Captain Strauss and his loyal lieutenant, Pietersen. Disappointed, the females instead congregate at St. John's Wood Recreation Ground, which may even exist, for a public meeting. Unanimously, they resolve to form the "Female England Cricket Supporters Association". What a compelling sport cricket is.
Happily for FECSA's inaugural members, Saturday is a brighter day and play starts on time. There is talk that England may play for a draw, but Captain "Marvel" Strauss is having none of it. He is determined to round off the England summer, such as it has been, with a victory. And in that spirit, he and Pietersen accelerate their strokeplay. Skillful though the Pakistani bowling is, they cannot do anything about the England batting, and it must be a relief to them when Strauss finally declares at 500-2 (Strauss 258*, Pietersen 126*) in order to get the game moving. James Anderson and Stuart Broad bowl an excellent opening spell, but Imran Farhat and Salman are able to keep them out with a combination of good fortune and deft strokeplay. The cricket is a joy to watch. But it becomes nirvanal when Graeme Swann is tossed the ball, and starts to bowl. It is difficult to describe how splendid his bowling is; suffice instead to say that it is no surprise to anyone when the Chairman of the Arts Council announces in the tea break that finger spin is to be recognised as a form of artistic expression. Not before time.
Meanwhile, over at White Hart Lane, the half-time tea break is disturbed by a strange occurrence. After 45 minutes of excess from twenty-two adults behaving like children, one supporter speaks to his friend, above the crowd's defining chants. He asks what his friend can hear. At first, his friend looks puzzled, but after a moment's thought he says:
"The sound of silence"
Without saying a further word, both men collect their coats and leave the ground. Then, other supporters follow them. Soon, the entire crowd has filed out, and marches towards Lords. Desperate for intelligent sport. Hungry for an education. They know it's time to watch some cricket. Not all of them can squeeze into Lords, and some think that £60 is a bit steep, but the disappointed thousands watch in awe as a club match unfolds at the St. John's Wood Recreation Ground. Up and down the country, similar scenes unfold as football grounds empty and cricket grounds fill.
Back at Lords, Swann has unwound the fabric of the Pakistan innings and when they are finally all out for 222, Strauss asks them to follow on. By the close, Anderson has dismissed Farhat and Butt, and Pakistan are sitting precariously on 22-2.
Sunday is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
That leaves the question of whether Pakistan can bat out Monday. They make a gallant effort - but will it be enough? It's hard not to admire their resolve, as the England quick bowlers pound away on an increasingly unreliable pitch. Mohamed Yousuf hits an excellent hundred, and when he is dismissed before tea, England think that victory is within their grasp. But Kamran Akmal holds them up, with an annoying fifty.
In the end, it comes down to the last over of the day. Pakistan are nine down, but they are on 276. There will not be time for England to bat, so if Pakistan can score three runs, the match will be drawn. Swann is bowling, and he floats a ball up to Akmal. He chips the ball through mid-wicket. Akmal and his batting partner Asif scamper one. Akmal turns, and sprints back. Is there time for a third? Substitute fielder Alex Wakely fires the ball in from deep mid-wicket, and the ball clips the stumps as Akmal tries to make his ground. Onfield umpire Tony Hill refers the matter to third umpire.
The players turn to the big screen. Suddenly, the background to the screen flashes red: "OUT". But Kamran Akmal is happy enough: after all, he completed two runs, and was only run out attempting a third, so he thinks the match must have been tied with the scores level. But oh no: what is this? Third umpire Daryll Harper has radio'd out a message to Umpire Hill. Replays have shown that Akmal did not touch his bat in on his first run, and sure enough, Hill taps his right shoulder to signal one short...
...so what is the result?
"Heads," speculates Salman Butt. The sun bends round a tuft of cloud, and flickers off the sterling as it dances through the London air. Down it comes, and Mike Atherton peers down. He thinks he can sees the queen's portrait and asks Salman what he wants to do. But Salman looks down at the coin slightly quizzically.
"I want to ask my friend Andrew here what he wants to do - you're mistaken, Athers, it's tails" he honestly responds.
Somewhat taken aback, Strauss graciously thanks Salman for his honesty, and says that he will bat. A few moments later, Strauss makes the welcome announcement that England are ditching their fibreglass fabric topic and are reverting to traditional woollen jumpers. This produces a standing ovation from the entiry of the busy Lords crowd.
With steely eyes under a steely coloured sky, the England captain faces up to Mohamed Asif's big swinging fast-dobbers a few moments later. It's difficult to avoid perceiving all that is good about cricket, as Asif bounds in, bowls a splendid in-swinger to the left hander, but is met with a polite forward defensive.
And in that mould, the morning rolls on. Asif and Amir bowl well, but with considerable skill and good old fashioned British pluck, the English openers keep them out. And whilst Amir is finally able to conjure up a slower ball which snares Alistair Cook after lunch, the elegant Jonathan Trott is able to keep Strauss company throughout the afternoon. After Strauss reaches his century, shortly after tea, he splendidly removes his helmet to salute the Lords crowd. Like a Roman gladiator towering over a bloody lion, he stands in the Autumn sun accepting the crowd's adulation, his mighty sword of truth (that's his bat) in one hand and his shield (the helmet) in his other. "Isn't he splendid?", whisper a number of females in the crowd, so quietly that their jealous husbands miss their words.
Trott is bowled by a nicely flighted doosra from Saeed Ajmal. Indeed, so impressed is he by Ajmal's delivery, that Trott graciously shakes Ajmal's hand as he leaves the pitch. But incoming batsman Kevin Pietersen has the mastery of the Pakistani spin bowling, and uses his feet in a virtuoso display in the late evening sun. Thwack! Clump! Boof! By the time he walks past those rickety old park benches in front of the pavilion at the close of play, he has reached his fifty and England look well in control at 366-2.
Friday is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
This is much to the disappointment of the many females who have thronged to the Lords ticket office, in the hope of catching just another glimpse of Captain Strauss and his loyal lieutenant, Pietersen. Disappointed, the females instead congregate at St. John's Wood Recreation Ground, which may even exist, for a public meeting. Unanimously, they resolve to form the "Female England Cricket Supporters Association". What a compelling sport cricket is.
Happily for FECSA's inaugural members, Saturday is a brighter day and play starts on time. There is talk that England may play for a draw, but Captain "Marvel" Strauss is having none of it. He is determined to round off the England summer, such as it has been, with a victory. And in that spirit, he and Pietersen accelerate their strokeplay. Skillful though the Pakistani bowling is, they cannot do anything about the England batting, and it must be a relief to them when Strauss finally declares at 500-2 (Strauss 258*, Pietersen 126*) in order to get the game moving. James Anderson and Stuart Broad bowl an excellent opening spell, but Imran Farhat and Salman are able to keep them out with a combination of good fortune and deft strokeplay. The cricket is a joy to watch. But it becomes nirvanal when Graeme Swann is tossed the ball, and starts to bowl. It is difficult to describe how splendid his bowling is; suffice instead to say that it is no surprise to anyone when the Chairman of the Arts Council announces in the tea break that finger spin is to be recognised as a form of artistic expression. Not before time.
Meanwhile, over at White Hart Lane, the half-time tea break is disturbed by a strange occurrence. After 45 minutes of excess from twenty-two adults behaving like children, one supporter speaks to his friend, above the crowd's defining chants. He asks what his friend can hear. At first, his friend looks puzzled, but after a moment's thought he says:
"The sound of silence"
Without saying a further word, both men collect their coats and leave the ground. Then, other supporters follow them. Soon, the entire crowd has filed out, and marches towards Lords. Desperate for intelligent sport. Hungry for an education. They know it's time to watch some cricket. Not all of them can squeeze into Lords, and some think that £60 is a bit steep, but the disappointed thousands watch in awe as a club match unfolds at the St. John's Wood Recreation Ground. Up and down the country, similar scenes unfold as football grounds empty and cricket grounds fill.
Back at Lords, Swann has unwound the fabric of the Pakistan innings and when they are finally all out for 222, Strauss asks them to follow on. By the close, Anderson has dismissed Farhat and Butt, and Pakistan are sitting precariously on 22-2.
Sunday is, unfortunately, lost to rain.
That leaves the question of whether Pakistan can bat out Monday. They make a gallant effort - but will it be enough? It's hard not to admire their resolve, as the England quick bowlers pound away on an increasingly unreliable pitch. Mohamed Yousuf hits an excellent hundred, and when he is dismissed before tea, England think that victory is within their grasp. But Kamran Akmal holds them up, with an annoying fifty.
In the end, it comes down to the last over of the day. Pakistan are nine down, but they are on 276. There will not be time for England to bat, so if Pakistan can score three runs, the match will be drawn. Swann is bowling, and he floats a ball up to Akmal. He chips the ball through mid-wicket. Akmal and his batting partner Asif scamper one. Akmal turns, and sprints back. Is there time for a third? Substitute fielder Alex Wakely fires the ball in from deep mid-wicket, and the ball clips the stumps as Akmal tries to make his ground. Onfield umpire Tony Hill refers the matter to third umpire.
The players turn to the big screen. Suddenly, the background to the screen flashes red: "OUT". But Kamran Akmal is happy enough: after all, he completed two runs, and was only run out attempting a third, so he thinks the match must have been tied with the scores level. But oh no: what is this? Third umpire Daryll Harper has radio'd out a message to Umpire Hill. Replays have shown that Akmal did not touch his bat in on his first run, and sure enough, Hill taps his right shoulder to signal one short...
...so what is the result?
Monday, 16 August 2010
The Secret Diary of Kevin Pietersen, aged 30 and a quarter
Monday 16th August
Been ringing round the counties following Andy Flower's announcement that I have to be join a county. He didn't specifically say that Minor Counties was out of the question, but I'd better play it safe. Middlesex seem to be interested, but to be honest, I'd rather go to Northamptonshire. It seems to be the hotbed for young cricketing talent, although they don't have quite as many South Africans as they used to, which could be a disadvantage.
Tuesday 17th August
Build up to the Oval Test Match. I have to stay at the team hotel at Kennington, which seems a bit silly when I live in Chelsea, but Andy says I have to go there to build up the team spirit.
Training at the ground was BRILLIANT. We did nets as usual, and I wasn't batting at all well, but then Andy had a brain wave. He set up Merlyn to bowl as Ashley Giles, so I could practice range hitting. It did me the world of good and now I am hitting it cleanly again. Can't wait to get going in the Test.
Wednesday 18th August - The Third Test Match, Day One
I'm in big trouble with Andy and Andy. I woke up and forgot the match was starting today - and, in fairness, who has ever heard of a test match starting on Wednesday? - and I just thought that today was another build up day. So I only arrived at the ground at 10:50. Luckily, Andy realised I was stupid, had worked out what was going on, and left me on the team sheet.
Anyway, it was a good day for England. Aren't they all nowadays? Andy won the toss, decided we would bat on a lovely strip against lovely bowling. Unfortunately, Cookie was out for a duck - bit of a worry, his form - and Trotty didn't fare much better. When I got to the crease at 11:32 it wasn't looking great. I wasn't feeling great, either, especially after my run-in with Andy, but then I thought back to my time against Merlyn yesterday. I felt much better, and started hitting Mohamed Asif about a bit. Talking about Asif - what is going on with that guy's hair? Anyway, it came off, and by the time I was out for 158 after tea, trying to see if I could hit the ball into the face of Big Ben, England were looking pretty good at 345 for 4. By close Colly had got to his century, and England closed on 389 for 5.
Thursday 19th August - The Third Test Match, Day Two
It was my turn to drive Graeme Swann to the ground today, and I think my good form may have rubbed off on him. He certainly bowled well after Andy declared on 602-9. Firstly, he got Farhat out padding up. Then, our "fish's bottom" sledge to Salman Butt finally paid off - he charged down the wicket, cried "Geronimo", took a wild swing and got himself stumped. I'd call him an idiot, but let's face it, who am I to talk? Anyway, the rest of the Pakistani batting line up rolled over like a pack of cards. What is it that the French say: plus ca change? Unfortunately, I'm not clever enough to put the cedilla under the "c" in "ca", but you get the idea.
Mohamed Yousuf batted pretty well in the evening session. I feel it may well have been the beads he wove into that magnificent beard of his. If only Andy would let me grow my beard back.
Friday 20th August - The Third Test Match, Day Three
Another good day. I LOVE playing for England!
Andy made them follow on after we eventually bowled them out for 324 - with that man Yousuf scoring a hundred. Second time round, they looked a bit demoralised and had subsided to 104-5. Credit is mainly due to Stuart Broad. When he gets his run-up right, his bowling is a joy to behold: his action has expert timing, he bowls as fast as lightning and, fielding behind the stumps, it can be a little bit frightening.
There was one embarrassing moment just after lunch - wee Jimmy was bowling like the wind, and Shoaib Malik played at the ball. Behind the stumps, I could swear we all heard a click as the ball passed the bat, and sure enough my drinking buddy Simon Taufel stuck his finger up. But Malik reviewed it, and remarkably, Hot Spot showed that the noise we all heard was Alistair Cook breaking wind at silly point.
Saturday 21st August - The Third Test Match, Day Four
We JUST got this wrapped up in time for my big night out on Saturday with Swanny and the boys. Kamran Akmal, playing as a specialist batsman, scored a big hundred and forced us to bat again. We needed to score 89 off 12 overs before close of play. Luckily, Cookie was as keen as I was for a night at "El Splendidos" in Chelsea, and hit out at the Pakistani bowlers. I think it was just what he needed, and he scored an undefeated 54. He looked dead pleased when he was walking back to the pavilion. Anyway, it was a GREAT win for the boys, and I was pleased to win the Man of the Match.
On another note, I had the strangest dream last night. It was the year 2030, and as Chairman of Selectors I was picking the squad for the Ashes Test Match at Lords. We offered a debut to a young left arm spinner who had been doing well at Northamptonshire. The only thing I can remember about him is that his initials were HJBS, and Jessica said he was good looking. I wish for the life of me that I could remember the kid's name.
Been ringing round the counties following Andy Flower's announcement that I have to be join a county. He didn't specifically say that Minor Counties was out of the question, but I'd better play it safe. Middlesex seem to be interested, but to be honest, I'd rather go to Northamptonshire. It seems to be the hotbed for young cricketing talent, although they don't have quite as many South Africans as they used to, which could be a disadvantage.
Tuesday 17th August
Build up to the Oval Test Match. I have to stay at the team hotel at Kennington, which seems a bit silly when I live in Chelsea, but Andy says I have to go there to build up the team spirit.
Training at the ground was BRILLIANT. We did nets as usual, and I wasn't batting at all well, but then Andy had a brain wave. He set up Merlyn to bowl as Ashley Giles, so I could practice range hitting. It did me the world of good and now I am hitting it cleanly again. Can't wait to get going in the Test.
Wednesday 18th August - The Third Test Match, Day One
I'm in big trouble with Andy and Andy. I woke up and forgot the match was starting today - and, in fairness, who has ever heard of a test match starting on Wednesday? - and I just thought that today was another build up day. So I only arrived at the ground at 10:50. Luckily, Andy realised I was stupid, had worked out what was going on, and left me on the team sheet.
Anyway, it was a good day for England. Aren't they all nowadays? Andy won the toss, decided we would bat on a lovely strip against lovely bowling. Unfortunately, Cookie was out for a duck - bit of a worry, his form - and Trotty didn't fare much better. When I got to the crease at 11:32 it wasn't looking great. I wasn't feeling great, either, especially after my run-in with Andy, but then I thought back to my time against Merlyn yesterday. I felt much better, and started hitting Mohamed Asif about a bit. Talking about Asif - what is going on with that guy's hair? Anyway, it came off, and by the time I was out for 158 after tea, trying to see if I could hit the ball into the face of Big Ben, England were looking pretty good at 345 for 4. By close Colly had got to his century, and England closed on 389 for 5.
Thursday 19th August - The Third Test Match, Day Two
It was my turn to drive Graeme Swann to the ground today, and I think my good form may have rubbed off on him. He certainly bowled well after Andy declared on 602-9. Firstly, he got Farhat out padding up. Then, our "fish's bottom" sledge to Salman Butt finally paid off - he charged down the wicket, cried "Geronimo", took a wild swing and got himself stumped. I'd call him an idiot, but let's face it, who am I to talk? Anyway, the rest of the Pakistani batting line up rolled over like a pack of cards. What is it that the French say: plus ca change? Unfortunately, I'm not clever enough to put the cedilla under the "c" in "ca", but you get the idea.
Mohamed Yousuf batted pretty well in the evening session. I feel it may well have been the beads he wove into that magnificent beard of his. If only Andy would let me grow my beard back.
Friday 20th August - The Third Test Match, Day Three
Another good day. I LOVE playing for England!
Andy made them follow on after we eventually bowled them out for 324 - with that man Yousuf scoring a hundred. Second time round, they looked a bit demoralised and had subsided to 104-5. Credit is mainly due to Stuart Broad. When he gets his run-up right, his bowling is a joy to behold: his action has expert timing, he bowls as fast as lightning and, fielding behind the stumps, it can be a little bit frightening.
There was one embarrassing moment just after lunch - wee Jimmy was bowling like the wind, and Shoaib Malik played at the ball. Behind the stumps, I could swear we all heard a click as the ball passed the bat, and sure enough my drinking buddy Simon Taufel stuck his finger up. But Malik reviewed it, and remarkably, Hot Spot showed that the noise we all heard was Alistair Cook breaking wind at silly point.
Saturday 21st August - The Third Test Match, Day Four
We JUST got this wrapped up in time for my big night out on Saturday with Swanny and the boys. Kamran Akmal, playing as a specialist batsman, scored a big hundred and forced us to bat again. We needed to score 89 off 12 overs before close of play. Luckily, Cookie was as keen as I was for a night at "El Splendidos" in Chelsea, and hit out at the Pakistani bowlers. I think it was just what he needed, and he scored an undefeated 54. He looked dead pleased when he was walking back to the pavilion. Anyway, it was a GREAT win for the boys, and I was pleased to win the Man of the Match.
On another note, I had the strangest dream last night. It was the year 2030, and as Chairman of Selectors I was picking the squad for the Ashes Test Match at Lords. We offered a debut to a young left arm spinner who had been doing well at Northamptonshire. The only thing I can remember about him is that his initials were HJBS, and Jessica said he was good looking. I wish for the life of me that I could remember the kid's name.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Something of a let down
It's a bold decision of Waqar Younis to pick Mohammad Yousuf. He is stranded at the British Embassy in Islamabad, stuck in a tense diplomatic tete-a-tete, between the British ambassador and Imran Khan. After hours of negotiation, a deal is finally done: Pakistan's premier batsman is given a visa, in return for Mushtaq Ahmed agreeing to be the England spin coach for the next 25 years. Graciously, Andrew Strauss agrees that irrespective of the outcome of the toss, England will agree to bat first and Pakistan can field a substitute fielder whilst Yousuf arrives.
Back at Edgaston, Salman Butt's announces the changes to his team: Azhar Ali is replaced by Mohammad Yousuf, Danish Kaneria is replaced by little Raza Hasan, and in a surprise move, Mohammad Asif makes way for Waqar, who plays as a player-coach. As Salman explains, Waqar can still match the 75 mph achieved by Asif at Trent Bridge, and he's a better bowler.
On a pitch offering generously swing, Waqar is able to trap Alistair Cook, leg before wicket in the second over. And could this be trouble for England, as Jonathan Trott snicks Mohammad Amir to waiting gloveman Kamran Akmal? Well, it's Kevin Pietersen time, and he responds well to the challenge. Belying the silly suggestions that he might be dropped, he clubs the Pakistani seamers around the Birmingham ground, reaching his half-century before England lunch at 111-2.
Shortly after lunch, little Raza Hasan receives a boost as he is offered his first bowl in Test Cricket. His first over is, however, not a happy affair: Strauss hits three boundaries, including a towering six over mid-wicket, to take 14 off the over. And oh no - what is this? Pietersen is facing Raza's next over, and the Sky lipreadometer is able to decipher him saying to Strauss "I'm going to hit the little guy's first ball into Lincolnshire."
Nervously, Raza limbers up. One step, then two. He reaches the crease and tosses the ball up, as if making a sacrificial offering to batting lord Pietersen. The Anglo-African steps forth to give the ball the clout of its life. One step, then two. Ball meets batsman. Batsman meets ball. Pietersen takes a huge swipe...but he misses and 'stumper Akmal has him out, stumped, defeated by his own conceit.
By close, England have reached 346 for 4 (Strauss 146, Collingwood 85*).
Back at Edgaston, Salman Butt's announces the changes to his team: Azhar Ali is replaced by Mohammad Yousuf, Danish Kaneria is replaced by little Raza Hasan, and in a surprise move, Mohammad Asif makes way for Waqar, who plays as a player-coach. As Salman explains, Waqar can still match the 75 mph achieved by Asif at Trent Bridge, and he's a better bowler.
On a pitch offering generously swing, Waqar is able to trap Alistair Cook, leg before wicket in the second over. And could this be trouble for England, as Jonathan Trott snicks Mohammad Amir to waiting gloveman Kamran Akmal? Well, it's Kevin Pietersen time, and he responds well to the challenge. Belying the silly suggestions that he might be dropped, he clubs the Pakistani seamers around the Birmingham ground, reaching his half-century before England lunch at 111-2.
Shortly after lunch, little Raza Hasan receives a boost as he is offered his first bowl in Test Cricket. His first over is, however, not a happy affair: Strauss hits three boundaries, including a towering six over mid-wicket, to take 14 off the over. And oh no - what is this? Pietersen is facing Raza's next over, and the Sky lipreadometer is able to decipher him saying to Strauss "I'm going to hit the little guy's first ball into Lincolnshire."
Nervously, Raza limbers up. One step, then two. He reaches the crease and tosses the ball up, as if making a sacrificial offering to batting lord Pietersen. The Anglo-African steps forth to give the ball the clout of its life. One step, then two. Ball meets batsman. Batsman meets ball. Pietersen takes a huge swipe...but he misses and 'stumper Akmal has him out, stumped, defeated by his own conceit.
By close, England have reached 346 for 4 (Strauss 146, Collingwood 85*).
-----
"Final call for passenger Yousuf, travelling on Flight 385 to London."
Mohammad Yousuf escapes the clutches of the journalists, and scurries to the Departure Gate. He is on course to reach Edgbaston by lunchtime on the second day. He boards the plane and finds his seat. He waits. He waits. He waits. The pilot speaks on the intercom, explaining that due to an unexpected engine fault, the plane will not be able to take off.
-----
The second day is a disheartening day for the tourists. By lunchtime, the fluency of Paul Collingwood and Eoin Morgan has ruled out any possibility of a Pakistan victory. The only question is whether the Pakistanis can save the game. England eventually declare after Morgan has shimied his way to his maiden double century. 656 is a lot of runs. Waqar may have taken 5 wickets, but after 31 overs, he's pretty tired.
The Pakistan innings gets off to a miserable start, and in a bitter replica of their performance on the previous Saturday evening, they find they have lost three wickets in only eight overs. James Anderson makes Salman look slightly foolish, but reasoning that Mohammad Yousuf will arrive overnight and will be able to bat twice, the Pakistani skipper knows there is still hope.
-----
Exhausted but relieved, Mohammad Yousuf knows he is finally on his way as his plane leaves from the Islamabad runway. However, the flight encounters unexpected wind, and is forced to divert to Cairo to refuel. When a sirocco grounds all flights out of Egypt, he has to telephone Waqar to say he won't make Edgbaston until the fourth day.
-----
The commentators ponder which Pakistan will turn up on Sunday morning: the group of richly talented players of unrivalled flair, or the slightly pathetic lot who didn't seem to try at Trent Bridge? The answer is soon clear, as the Akmal brothers tear into the England bowlers. Pakistan are 156 for 3 at lunch. Are they finally going to make a match of it?
Unfortunately, there is a calamitous loss of wickets between lunch and tea. In all, Pakistan manage to lose 12 wickets in one session, to a combination of committed swing bowling and batsmen not trying. They manage a bit better in the evening session. But only a bit. After another cluster of wickets, they are eight down, with only little Raza Hasan and the absent Mohammad Yousuf remaining. Little Raza holds out for six overs, but then pads up to a straight one from Graeme Swann. England appeal. The finger goes up. Have England won?
There is some confusion, because it is at exactly that point Edgbaston is hit by a thunderstorm and play is immediately suspended. The umpires claim that as Yousuf was not present when the wicket fell, Pakistan had completed their innings and were all out.
However, as the rain falls Pakistan sense a way out of the match. Imran Khan 'phones up from Pakistan, pleading with the umpires just to allow them until the fourth day to see if Mohammad Yousuf can somehow salvage the game.
-----
The sirocco has subsided, and Mohammad Yousuf is on his way. However, Birmingham air-traffic controllers are on strike, and unbelievably, his plane is diverted to Norwich Airport. There he has to wait four hours for a customs official to arrive from London.
-----
Unfortunately, the fourth day of the match is lost to rain.
The final day is a conundrum: will the rain relent and allow England to press for the elusive final wicket? Will Mohammad Yousuf's train get to Birmingham New Street in time?
The rain finally gives way to the sunshine at 4:00 pm, and to the doubt of the Pakistani coaching team, the umpires allow play to start at 5:30. That start time gets put back to 5:45, whilst groundsman Steve Rouse tries to find some petrol to start the roller. That suits the Pakistani team very well, because it is at 5:40 that Mohammad Yousuf walks through the dressing room door.
England have two overs to dismiss either Waqar or Mohammad Yousuf. Waqar faces Anderson, with a spring in his step. Waqar pushes forward, and chips the ball behind square. Morgan is forced to dive to his right, but he is able to clutch the ball to save it reaching the boundary. Eager to remain positive, Mohammad Yousuf calls Waqar for a single. Waqar says no, but against the painful background noise of a Pakistani vuvezela which was smuggled into the ground, Mohammad Yousuf does not hear him. Morgan flips the ball back to Anderson, who whips the bails off. Mohammand Yousuf is run out without facing a ball.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Brotherly love?
People who do not enjoy Test Match cricket often do not understand that cricket is a metaphor for life itself. On the other hand, cricket lovers are blessed with an appreciation that the question of a whether good will ultimately score more runs than evil is a question of philosophy as deep as that ultimate question - what is the meaning of life?
It's a sunny day at Trent Bridge, as Salman Butt calls correctly, and decides that Pakistan should bat first. He hopes that Danish Kaneria will be able to obtain turn and bounce in the final innings. But it isn't long before he regrets his haste to bat, as Stuart Broad gets one to lift past his nose. He manages to get his gloves out of the way and survives, but at the other end, Imran Farhat is less lucky, nicking James Anderson into the gloves of the waiting Matt Prior. But Azhar Ali shows why he is highly regarded with some attractive strokeplay. Despite all that, it's a quiet first session, and Pakistan are reasonably well placed on 78-1 at lunch.
The clouds close in during the lunchbreak, however, and when they take the field after a round of sandwiches, England's bowlers get much more assistance from the conditions. Salman Butt is the first to perish; he chops on an in-dipper from Steven Finn. The next over sees Azhar Ali dismissed by Broad: away swinger, pitched up, prod forward, indecisive foot movement, click of ball against edge, deviation to first slip, diving Graeme Swann, jubilant Broad. Umar Amin follows the following over, and two overs later Shoaib Malik is dismissed by a catch from a leaping Collingwood that rolls back the years.
However, the Akmal brothers aren't known as the most annoying cricketing brothers since Mike and David Hussey for no reason, and using a series of fresh air drives and niggles to the leg side, Kamran and Umar Akmal are able to keep out the England bowlers. Tea comes, tea goes. Eventually, at close of play, the two little men have restored parity to the game with the score at 248-5 (Umar Akmal 78*, Kamran Akmal 78*).
The second morning is overcast and there is much talk about how England's bowlers will take advantage of the swing available. But the Akmal brothers adopt the Steve and Mark Waugh model to lose their wickets. After adding just three to his overnight score, Umar goes for what the Sky Sports commentators call a "suicidal single". Unhappily, Kamran does not respond, and the brothers are left facing each other at the non-striker's end. There ensues a bitter argument between the two of them about which of them is out, and eventually umpire Simon Taufel has to mediate by flipping a coin. Kamran is the unlucky man. With an inter-Akmal argument going on in the dressing room, the Pakistani lower order is able to offer scant further resistance and England are able to dismiss the Pakistanis for 298 (Akmal 81, Akmal 81).
Happily for them, the Pakistani bowlers bowl splendidly, and for some time there is real doubt about whether England can even achieve the follow-on total of 98. Mohammad Aamer bowls with pace and hostility, and is able to make batsmen of the calibre of Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen look slightly foolish. England's lowest ebb is at 35-5, whereupon Matt Prior joins Eoin Morgan at the crease. Prior approaches Morgan mid-pitch.
"So remind me, how do you spell your first name again?" asks the Sussex 'keeper.
"Maiden mhaith. Breathnu ar an scorchlar." replies the diminutive Irishman.
Morgan and Prior bat beautifully together. There is initially a little confusion in the running between the wickets, when Morgan calls "Fanacht" and Prior does not understand, but that is soon resolved and they run as one. Sometimes, cricket transcends international boundaries.
Anyway, both score hundreds, and although Prior is out trying just before close of play trying to hit Danish Kaneria into the River Trent for a second time, it's England who are in charge on 303-6 (Prior 124, Morgan 118*).
Three is said to be the magic number, and the third day's play at Trent Bridge is indeed splendid. First, we should applaud the brave and innovative batting from England in the morning. Congratulations in particular to Northamptonshire born spinner Graeme Swann, on his first test match hundred, scored off 72 balls. With three overs to go before lunch, England finally declare on 478 for 8, some 180 runs ahead.
Salman and Imran survive those first three overs, but both fall in the first over after lunch from Stuart Broad. Umar Amin is able to put up good resistance with Azhar Ali, and by tea time they are both playing with a flair reminiscent of Javed Miandad. After tea, Ali is undone by a clever slower ball from Paul Collingwood which flies to Morgan at point, and Amin is bowled through the gate next over from Swann. When Shoaib Malik nicks the ball on to his pad and the ball flies to substitute fielder Rob Newton, it seems that Pakistan's only hope of cricketing salvation lies once again with the brothers Akmal. Remarkably, there is a run-out action replay: this time, Kamran calls Umar for a quick single and Umar is beaten by a smart throw from Collingwood. Conspiracy, fate or just coincidence? You decide. Anyway, Pakistan are six wickets down, and just six ahead, when the sun goes down on Saturday night.
What makes Pakistan bat so well on Sunday morning? It may be that they were given a heavy team talk by their coach Waqar Younis, or it may be that they are inspired by their former teammate Shahid Afridi's maiden performance on Strictly Come Dancing. In any case, they perform splendidly, and whilst they lose wickets occasionally, they are able to score 156 runs in the session. With Danish Kaneria the final man to go on the stroke of lunch, England are set 162 to win.
Mohammad Asif and his floppy hair has little difficulty getting the best out of the pitch, and there is little surprise when he induces Alastair Cook to prod forward, such that he edges the ball to slip. But Strauss and Jonathan Trott are able to guide England to victory. The Pakistani supporters and their vuvuzelas are silenced as England press home their advantage, until finally, at 3.02 on Sunday afternoon, Jonathan Trott caresses a leg break from Kaneria into a gap on the off-side to score the winning runs.
The man of the match award is given to Eoin Morgan for his excellent innings. As he picks up his award, he takes the microphone from Nasser Hussain and says "Go raibh maith agat, Nasser."
Meanwhile, down in South West London, the greatest bowler of all staggers on his toes towards the television set. He looks intrigued as willow thwacks against leather. He turns to his father and smiles. He is only 13 months old. He has no idea what greatness he will achieve; he probably has no idea even what cricket is. But the countdown to the 2030 Ashes series has begun for this little boy.
It's a sunny day at Trent Bridge, as Salman Butt calls correctly, and decides that Pakistan should bat first. He hopes that Danish Kaneria will be able to obtain turn and bounce in the final innings. But it isn't long before he regrets his haste to bat, as Stuart Broad gets one to lift past his nose. He manages to get his gloves out of the way and survives, but at the other end, Imran Farhat is less lucky, nicking James Anderson into the gloves of the waiting Matt Prior. But Azhar Ali shows why he is highly regarded with some attractive strokeplay. Despite all that, it's a quiet first session, and Pakistan are reasonably well placed on 78-1 at lunch.
The clouds close in during the lunchbreak, however, and when they take the field after a round of sandwiches, England's bowlers get much more assistance from the conditions. Salman Butt is the first to perish; he chops on an in-dipper from Steven Finn. The next over sees Azhar Ali dismissed by Broad: away swinger, pitched up, prod forward, indecisive foot movement, click of ball against edge, deviation to first slip, diving Graeme Swann, jubilant Broad. Umar Amin follows the following over, and two overs later Shoaib Malik is dismissed by a catch from a leaping Collingwood that rolls back the years.
However, the Akmal brothers aren't known as the most annoying cricketing brothers since Mike and David Hussey for no reason, and using a series of fresh air drives and niggles to the leg side, Kamran and Umar Akmal are able to keep out the England bowlers. Tea comes, tea goes. Eventually, at close of play, the two little men have restored parity to the game with the score at 248-5 (Umar Akmal 78*, Kamran Akmal 78*).
The second morning is overcast and there is much talk about how England's bowlers will take advantage of the swing available. But the Akmal brothers adopt the Steve and Mark Waugh model to lose their wickets. After adding just three to his overnight score, Umar goes for what the Sky Sports commentators call a "suicidal single". Unhappily, Kamran does not respond, and the brothers are left facing each other at the non-striker's end. There ensues a bitter argument between the two of them about which of them is out, and eventually umpire Simon Taufel has to mediate by flipping a coin. Kamran is the unlucky man. With an inter-Akmal argument going on in the dressing room, the Pakistani lower order is able to offer scant further resistance and England are able to dismiss the Pakistanis for 298 (Akmal 81, Akmal 81).
Happily for them, the Pakistani bowlers bowl splendidly, and for some time there is real doubt about whether England can even achieve the follow-on total of 98. Mohammad Aamer bowls with pace and hostility, and is able to make batsmen of the calibre of Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen look slightly foolish. England's lowest ebb is at 35-5, whereupon Matt Prior joins Eoin Morgan at the crease. Prior approaches Morgan mid-pitch.
"So remind me, how do you spell your first name again?" asks the Sussex 'keeper.
"Maiden mhaith. Breathnu ar an scorchlar." replies the diminutive Irishman.
Morgan and Prior bat beautifully together. There is initially a little confusion in the running between the wickets, when Morgan calls "Fanacht" and Prior does not understand, but that is soon resolved and they run as one. Sometimes, cricket transcends international boundaries.
Anyway, both score hundreds, and although Prior is out trying just before close of play trying to hit Danish Kaneria into the River Trent for a second time, it's England who are in charge on 303-6 (Prior 124, Morgan 118*).
Three is said to be the magic number, and the third day's play at Trent Bridge is indeed splendid. First, we should applaud the brave and innovative batting from England in the morning. Congratulations in particular to Northamptonshire born spinner Graeme Swann, on his first test match hundred, scored off 72 balls. With three overs to go before lunch, England finally declare on 478 for 8, some 180 runs ahead.
Salman and Imran survive those first three overs, but both fall in the first over after lunch from Stuart Broad. Umar Amin is able to put up good resistance with Azhar Ali, and by tea time they are both playing with a flair reminiscent of Javed Miandad. After tea, Ali is undone by a clever slower ball from Paul Collingwood which flies to Morgan at point, and Amin is bowled through the gate next over from Swann. When Shoaib Malik nicks the ball on to his pad and the ball flies to substitute fielder Rob Newton, it seems that Pakistan's only hope of cricketing salvation lies once again with the brothers Akmal. Remarkably, there is a run-out action replay: this time, Kamran calls Umar for a quick single and Umar is beaten by a smart throw from Collingwood. Conspiracy, fate or just coincidence? You decide. Anyway, Pakistan are six wickets down, and just six ahead, when the sun goes down on Saturday night.
What makes Pakistan bat so well on Sunday morning? It may be that they were given a heavy team talk by their coach Waqar Younis, or it may be that they are inspired by their former teammate Shahid Afridi's maiden performance on Strictly Come Dancing. In any case, they perform splendidly, and whilst they lose wickets occasionally, they are able to score 156 runs in the session. With Danish Kaneria the final man to go on the stroke of lunch, England are set 162 to win.
Mohammad Asif and his floppy hair has little difficulty getting the best out of the pitch, and there is little surprise when he induces Alastair Cook to prod forward, such that he edges the ball to slip. But Strauss and Jonathan Trott are able to guide England to victory. The Pakistani supporters and their vuvuzelas are silenced as England press home their advantage, until finally, at 3.02 on Sunday afternoon, Jonathan Trott caresses a leg break from Kaneria into a gap on the off-side to score the winning runs.
The man of the match award is given to Eoin Morgan for his excellent innings. As he picks up his award, he takes the microphone from Nasser Hussain and says "Go raibh maith agat, Nasser."
Meanwhile, down in South West London, the greatest bowler of all staggers on his toes towards the television set. He looks intrigued as willow thwacks against leather. He turns to his father and smiles. He is only 13 months old. He has no idea what greatness he will achieve; he probably has no idea even what cricket is. But the countdown to the 2030 Ashes series has begun for this little boy.
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