"It's the romance of the place," explains Andrew Strauss, as he gestures towards the fort overlooking the ground, "I can't stop myself. I shall bat."
In equatorial heat, Mahela Jayawardene asks Suranga Lakmal and Chanaka Welegedara to open the bowling, so as to get the England innings off to a dull start. As might be expected, the Sri Lankans bowls on a regular length, testing the patience of the England batsmen. Fortunately, Strauss and Alistair Cook have been practicing against 75 mph bowling, and are able to chip the occasional single. In frustration, Jayawardene asks Ranjana Herath to bowl. But like Mrs Thatcher, a first day pitch in Sri Lanka is not for turning; and the Sri Lankans soon realise the game is up. Strauss is out chipping a slower ball from Lakmal to mid-off, but otherwise, England are undisturbed on their way to 83-1 at lunch.
Recognising that rain is predicted for later in the match, Andy Flower encourages Jonathan Trott to score runs more quickly than usual. He tries, but he finds himself trapped inside his own cliche: he is in "the bubble", and unable to escape. 36 not out at tea, and 74 not out at the close, he plays the straightest of straight bats to over after over of medium pace nonsense. Test cricket has become stagnant.
Come the morning of the second day, the crowd is sparse, and only a few travelling England supporters line the stadium decks. Could it be the indignant ticket prices, or could it be Trott's batting? Those that are present are kept amused by the visiting Sir Cliff Richard, who has kindly agreed to lead a singalong whilst Trott defends. Eventually, England declare shortly after tea, on 555-2.
The match is alive once more. England's bowlers make immediate inroads into the Sri Lankan batting line-up. James Anderson is able to use the sultry conditions to swing the ball through the air; at first, Lahiru Thirimanne pads up to one that swings in to him, and the following ball sees Kumar Sangakarra edge the ball to Graeme Swann at second slip. At the other end, Stuart Broad has made a remarkable recovery from his sprained ankle, possibly as a result of spiritual advice from Glenn Hoddle, who is on holiday with Sir Cliff Richard. Tillekaratne Dilshan finds a curious way to be caught at silly point: the ball flies off his gloves, and becomes lodged in the handkerchief which Ian Bell's has put round his neck to keep cool. When Swann dismisses Thilan Samaraweera lbw in the penultimate over of the day, Sri Lanka are in significant difficulty at 56-4.
However, the Sri Lankan batsmen are refreshed by the third morning, and Dinesh Chandimal and Angelo Mathews (also recovered from injury following advice from Glenn Hoddle) bat well against good bowling. Both of England's DRS challenges are used up on speculative Monty Panesar lbw appeals, and whilst Panesar makes partial amends by taking a return catch to dismiss Mathews, Sri Lanka are well placed on 166-5 at lunch.
After lunch, a heat wave increases temperatures at the ground to 46 degrees, and after substitute fielder Samit Patel complains that he is feeling faint, the umpires consider calling a halt to play. However, substitute substitute fielder James Tredwell brings on a flask of hot tea, and after that, everyone feels much better. England plough on, and are rewarded as spirited bowling from Swann and Trott bring a cluster of wickets. Sri Lanka are bowled out for 228.
England weather consultant Michael Fish urges Strauss not to enforce the follow on - he predicts very hot sun over on the fourth day. But England's bowlers say they are ready for more work, and Strauss asks the Sri Lankans to bat again. Thirimanne and Dilshan reach the close with their wickets intact.
The fourth day is, unfortunately, lost to a monsoon.
The fifth day, however, is visited by brighter skies, to the point that there is little surprise when Strauss asks Swann and Panesar to open the bowling. The dividends are immediate: Thirimanne cannot keep out a quicker one from Swann, and the follow ball sees Anderson, fielding at slip, catch a one handed flyer off Sangakarra's bat. The following over sees England lose both of their DRS challenges to speculative Monty Panesar lbw shouts, but it is all smiles for the bearded spinman as his third lbw shout sees Dilshan on a sullen march back to the pavilion.
Chandimal and Samaraweera are able to keep the England bowlers at bay at lunchtime, and in painful heat, England take no further wickets until play is interrupted in mid-afternoon. A viper slivers on to the outfield, and the England players cower. But Umpire Marais Erasmus has seen it all before, and uses the groundsman's rake to pin the serpent to the ground. Chandimal suggests that play should be suspended whilst the Sri Lankan RSPCA is summoned from Colombo to rescue the creature. He explains that Sri Lanka is an animal loving country - but a glint in Chandimal's eye tells Erasmus something is not quite right. Suspecting this is a ruse by the Sri Lankans to delay play and force a draw, Umpire Marais Erasmus uses the calculator function on his iPhone to work out that a car driving a 60 mph from Colombo to Galle will take at least an hour to arrive. He immediately orders that the snake be bludgeoned to death, using Chandimal's bat. Despite pleas for the creature's life from Glenn Hoddle, Graeme Swann does the deed and play resumes within five minutes.
The break in play allows England to drink more tea, and that is just what they need to break Sri Lankan resistance. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Chandimal is unhappy about resuming his innings with his blood-stained bat; it is equally unsurprising, then, that Swann traps him lbw in the follow over. The batting collapse that follows prompts Sri Lankan president Mahinda Rajapaksa to summon Sanath Jayasuriya, Aravinda de Silva and Arjuna Ranatunga from retirement, in order to solidify the Sri Lankan batting lines up ahead of the Second Test. As it is, the England team drink some more tea, to celebrate their victory of an innings and 49 runs.
